Merry Christmas has a whole new meaning

Hey friends, what a whirlwind the past few weeks have been. Since returning home from Dallas it has been such a wonderful, time reuniting with friends and getting ready for Christmas and the celebrations that come with that time of the year.

Still enjoying my newly redecorated house and of course the beautiful Christmas decorations that were done by my dear friends from Ms Cayce's. I find myself just sitting and taking it all in over and over again and I see something new every time!

Dr. Carr has urged me to stay in as much as possible until the middle of January. With transplants the first three months are crucial and rejection is possible anytime. They described my immune system as being "infant" and I can get sick very easily. I had only been homes five days when I got a cold and that made a believer of me. I realized I am not invincible and must give myself time to recover. You would think I had learned that already but obviously I forget easily. I came back thinking I would have all the energy in the world and be able to take up where I left off and I learned very quickly my endurance is short and my limbs are weak. They say that it will take up to a year to build myself back again and as you know my patience is on a short fuse. I have done a lot of talking to myself lately and not expected so much and tried to listen to my body as it continues to heal itself. Definitely a lot of help from the Lord as I pray He will show me what I can and cannot do.

My days at home have been filled with getting ready for my kids to come home for Christmas. I have burnt up cyber space ordering gifts and as they come in getting them wrapped. Friends have been able to come in periodically and visit and that has been so fun. I so miss being around people and being able to see friends at work and at church. I must say the middle of January can't come soon enough.

Wes and I are so excited about our new grand babies that are coming soon. Melissia is due around the first week of January and we are so ready to welcome our Sebastian Outlaw into the family. Then in early March Weslee will be ready to have our new little Zela Lynn into the family and we will be holding babies all the time! WOOHOO! Then of course we continue to enjoy our Shiloh Celeste as we watch her grow and learn. What a joy it is to hear her sing about Jesus in her sweet voice. Grand babies are so fun!

This Christmas is so special. Seems when you have a year with leukemia and have a stem cell transplant you realize that you may not have been around for Christmas if someone had not shared part of their life with you. I so appreciate that young man and all the doctors and nurses who gave of themselves so that I could be here to celebrate the birth of our Savior.

I look so forward to having all of my family home and in one spot for a part of the holidays. We are so blessed to have such wonderful children and doubly blessed to be able to share with them this season. The smells of the holidays are sweeter, the lights brighter, the music more beautiful and of course the meaning of the holidays is deeper than ever before. As we read the Christmas story this year with the family, I know it will not be just words but a deeper promise for a sweeter walk with our Jesus this coming year. I look forward to a brighter 2012 and a chance to give back to all who gave to us this past year. I can never express how truly blessed we have been!

As I reflect back over the past year, I marvel at how far God has brought me and what He has taught me through this journey. Amazing-I am not who I was and He still isn't through.

As always God's word speaks to me and can say what I feel---"The Lord will do (has done) great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, Lord, carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with me." (Ps. 126:3, 5-6) I pray I have sown seeds along the way of this journey and others have seen Jesus along the way. I pray for joy to remain in my heart regardless of what lies ahead.

Beth Moore has prayed and I pray that as well-"Please help me be willing to sow the seed of Your Word and to water it with my tears, believing You, in the midst of my pain. If I do, You will be faithful to fill me with joy again. You will faithfully bring a harvest forth from my life. My suffering will not be in vain."

"You, the God of all grace, who called me to Your eternal glory in Christ will restore me and make me strong, firm, and steadfast after I have suffered a little while" (1 Pet. 5:10). Lord, I pray the suffering is over for a while and I can serve you with my whole heart.

Merry Christmas-enjoy every second of it!!!

God is good--------all the time

So Much to be Thankful for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day it will be---Thanksgiving this year will be filled with so much to be thankful for. The last few weeks have been filled with blessings from my Jesus and just the fact I am here to celebrate is enough. On top of that I am feeling great and improving everyday and get to be with my brother and his family. Two months ago I would have never dreamed I would be able to even enjoy being alive and aware of all the undeserved blessings.

My girls are both with their in-laws but that is okay because we get to have them for Christmas. Woohoo. What a Christmas that will be since we have TWO grandbabies on the way. Sabastian Outlaw will be born to Melissia and Josh in January and Zeela Lynn will be born to Weslee and Zach in March. Can you even imagine what next Christmas will be like. Of course this Christmas will be filled with "princess" surprises for our precious Shiloh. Can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Our Marshall will be with us for Thanksgiving and we are so thankful for that. We will leave for Tyler earlier in the morning. Then let the praising begin!

I had a doctor visit on this past Monday and everything looked great still. I don't have to go back until next Monday and then Dr. Berryman said if all is well, home to Midland! So excited to return to family and friends, and especially to my own home. Somehow thought this day would never come. It seems so long ago since I left and of course we have been through so much since then. The worst of the transplant is over and now we just watch for rejection or infection. We are praying God will protect from those so that all goes well. I see Dr. Berryman the following Thursday as he will come for clinical visits that day. That in itself is a blessing that was set up before I even needed it. Isn't God great!

Thanksgiving takes on a whole new meaning in my life now. It's not just a sweet little holiday tucked between Halloween and Christmas but one to truly give thanks for what God has handed me and us as a family. Praises I am here for the holiday, out of the hospital, not nauseated, eating and not hooked up to an IV. Most of all I am in remission with no signs of leukemia or any other kind of cancer. Six months ago the future looked bleak with little hope of that. What a journey it has been, not all wonderful but what God has done with it has been another miracle in my life. I find it hard to even put into words what I am feeling but I can say that life is so much sweeter, the days are brighter, the nights calmer, the wind feels good on my skin, my family is more special, my husband I love even more and above all my God is greater! Praise Him for the journey and all the blessings it brought.

O God, help me always to be thankful that I am loved by You, because from the beginning You chose me to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth (2 Thess. 2:13)
You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful! (Jer. 31:3-4)

Lord, I am so ready to pick up that tambourine and dance with joy. I couldn't be more joyful and that makes the holidays more special than ever! Thank You, thank You for the chance to dance once again. I pray that I never miss that dance. Amen

God is good-----------all the time!

Praises for the Miracle

Yesterday the visit to the doctor was such wonderful news that I have waited to hear since the beginning of this journey---"total remission and no signs of cancer". Dr. Barryman was so excited to bring me the news and those words were more beautiful than any I had heard for so long. Of course, if you know me you won't be surprised, I totally fell apart because I was so happy. We all hugged including the doctor, he is so wonderful about being involved with his patience and for that I am so grateful. I just said praise Jesus and so did Dr. Barryman. During this whole process he has been so wonderful to be up front with his faith and give God the credit for each milestone of the transplant.
I go back to the clinic on Friday and if all is well we will go to my brothers home in Tyler for Thanksgiving then back here to clinic on Monday and if all is the same home to Midland. I can't tell you how excited I am to be back home with family and friends in familiar surroundings. Celebrating the holiday season this year will be a little more special and so sweet. Praise you Jesus for bringing us through this!
These verses tell you how I feel about being at the end of this part of my journey.
Ps 66:8-10 Praise You, my God! Let the sound of Your praise be heard. You have preserved my life and kept my feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested me; You refined me like silver.
Jer. 31:3-4 You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful!
Finally in Ps. 31:7-8 I will be glad ad rejoice in Your love, O God, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Hallelujah! Praise you my sweet Jesus!

God is good-----all the time!

Day 32-woohoo

Yes it has been so long since I have been on line and so much has happened since then. Good days now but I went through many that were the worst of my life I must admit Many days of nausea that were uncontrollable and mouth sores that I swore would never go away and that were from my mouth through my body and out the bottom. diarrhea that seemed never ending and food was my worst enemy ever. I think I went for about 6 weeks without food and they finally put me on IV nutrition which made my blood sugar go up and I had to have insulin shots. Other medicine made my blood pressure elevate and I had to have a patch. Finally found a medication to control nausea that gave me unbelievable nightmares that were very disturbing but did keep me from throwing up. Don't quiet know how you can throw up when you don't eat but you can and its not fun believe me! Finally things began to turn around ever so slightly a bit at a time. On October 27 they allowed me to move into the apartment by the hospital. Without any IVs, controlled nausea, mouth sores were somewhat better, diarrhea at least I could get a little ways from the bathroom, still not eating but drinking hot tea and of all things Sprite (which I never liked before), no high blood sugar, no high blood pressure and no pain medicine. I was so ready to see the outside of a hospital and not have to be poked every two hours. I know Wes was ready to go because he had slept on a plastic couch every night since the beginning.

The apartment is wonderful. Quiet roomy and set up with everything you would need. Everyday seems to get better. Is thought the digestion problems and eating would never improve but it slowly has. I can eat a little now and some foods actually taste good. I don't have to use as much medicine for the gut as before and it will eventually get better I am sure.

I began by having to go into the clinic everyday for fluids and then just on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. The clinic is just about 5 minutes from the apartment and on nice days we walk and of course I ride my trusty scooter. Wes has been able to go back to Midland and work. He leaves on Monday evenings and returns on Friday mornings early so we have long weekends together, I do cherish those days. On the days he is in Midland I have had dear friends who have come and stayed with me. Thanks so much to Charlotte Guinn, Alta Lynn Gerlach, Joy Irving, and Janet Orr for coming and spoiling me. Like a long slumber party. They have nursed me through nausea, digestion problems, not eating, and weakness and never complained and took wonderful care of me. God has so blessed me with wonderful friends who have gone beyond what friendship is!

Speaking of going beyond the call of duty, my wonderful husband has been that and more. He has truly loved me through this! So many times he could have given up and has been so strong and never complained and has done what had to be done or needed to be done. I marvel at how he shows me everyday his love when I was so weak or so sick I didn't return that love like I wanted to. I so love him and am so proud of him. You never know what you sign up for when you marry and wonder how someone will react-he has been more than anything I could ever have wanted or expected. I do love him so! Thank you Lord for letting me share in this man's life, may I be more like him-help him to know how much I love him.

Last Friday evening I got a call from Dr. Barryman's nurse and they had found one of the tests they routinely do had come back positive. I had developed the CMV virus which everyone apparently carries dormant and never manifests itself. Those that have low blood counts can develop it, especially transplant people. I did and have to go into the clinic now daily for antivirus IV. I will find out tomorrow for how long. The bad thing is I can't be around pregnant people and both of our girls are pregnant. Weslee lives here and we see her quiet often with of course Shiloh as well. That was hard to take but as Wes says it is not forever and we don't want to put that new baby in jeopardy before birth. So we wait to ask questions tomorrow and remake plans for Thanksgiving. Hope to be able to go to my brothers and sister-in-laws in Tyler to be with family.

What a ride this has been. Not one I want to repeat but one I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have. Thank you again to my donor for the life he shared with me. The ride should get better each day from now on and of course that is what we pray for daily and for the future.

I close by sharing my devotional from Beth Moore out of 2 Sam 22:29-36. Perfect for this journey. "You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.
As for You, my God, Your way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. You are a shield for all who take refuge in You. For who is God besides You, Lord? And who is the Rock except my God?
It is You, God, who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. You make my feet like the feet of a deer; You enable me to stand on the heights. You train my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory; You stoop down to make me great."

I pray, Lord, that I can live up to what you tell me You will give me in your word. I pray that those who watch me walk through this fire will see You every step of the way and see you glorified in this journey. Amen

God is good----------------all the time!

day 8

Omg it seems like everyday there is a new set of problems to address. I am right on schedule but its hard to convince my brain that I should hurt like this. I know I am tough and try not to complain but I HURT all over. They started giving me the shots today to jump start my bone marrow. I have had them before and they just make you feel like you have the flu in your bones. My old left hip has decided to be squirrely and hurts like one other time before many years ago. My mouth sores are still ripe and I can't eat except ice chips and a popsicle every now and then. I know thats hard to believe, most of you have seen me eat. Believe me there comes a time when you couldn't eat even if someone held a gun to your head. I did have some fat to live off of but didn't have this in mind for a weight loss plan. Oh well, this too shall pass!
These people work with you everyway possible to make you comfortable. This little pump has helped so much, just don't want to be hooked although they say you can't be. Just not used to giving in and admitting I need help.
We covet each and every prayer that has been sent up on our behalf. I would definitely have given up many days before. You are all so precious to us.
Better days lay ahead!
Rom 15:13 God of hope, please fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ps 51:8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Ps 65:9 You care for me far more than the land You enrich abundantly. Flood my dry soul with the streams of God and fill me with joy.
I am ready for streams of joy and my bones to rejoice!!!!!!!!!!!

God is good-------------all the time!!!!

I'm still alive

Yes I am still alive. Back and forth for the last two weeks. Harder than anything that I have ever done and I do pray I will not have to go backwards. Many days of darkness and in and out of reality-nausea like I have never experienced before in my life. I am not a nausea person but I could not shake it ravage on my body. Many of the drugs they tried on me gave me horrific dreams which were not restful at all-finally they got in some patches and that along with the drugs got it manageable. All that was due to 6 full days of chemo which was stronger than I have ever had before. Literally to death and back!!!!!
Now the aftereffects are severe mouth sores from my mouth all the way through my digestive track and out! Still having gut issues but I promise they say all this is normal-oh but that I wasn’t normal! Eating has been a real issue. I think I haven’t any substantial food for about 8 days-what a weight plan! I truly want to eat but it just won’t go down-I look forward to the mouth sores subsiding and to eat again.
On a good note my counts are dropping like a rock just as they should and hopefully in a few days my donor cells will begin to talk up shop and grow baby grow. I can never be able to express my gratefulness for that young man-literally a life giver!
During those dark days I sang in myself, especially ”O How He Loves Us”. I am still amazed how much He does love us and how when all else is gone He remains, stronger than ever. Listen to this quote from our Beth Moore “God will give us victory, but sometimes He will require every ounce of energy and cooperation we have in the process”. I am there, no more energy but I am cooperating because I have no energy to do otherwise. I do know that someday in the near future I will again stand with energy and strength and be able to soar on the wings of eagles once again. I do so miss my beloved Crestview and working alongside my dear friends and family there. I am so blessed.
I couldn’t end without bragging on my sweet husband-what a jewel. He has been sleeping on this little couch now every night to help and be there for me. What a gift from God he is and I can’t tell you how much I love him more and more every day. My precious children have been in and out and keeping wash done and keeping us company. This is truly a family affair.
I close with some precious words from the Psalms 126:5-6 Blessed merciful Gpd. Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with me.
Your eyes, Lord are on those who fear You on those whose hope is in Your unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. I wait in hope for you Lord. You are my help and my shield. In You my heart rejoices for I trust in your Holy Name. May your unfailing love rest on me. O Lord even as I put my hope in You (Psalm 33:18-22)
Father, healing is definitely in Your hands and I pray for strength to wait on You to restore me.
God is good-----------all the time!!!!

DAY -6 AND COUNTING

I am at Baylor University Medical Center in the Roberts building and am already hooked up to the life saving poison they begin the treatment with.
All went as scheduled until the appointment with doctor Berryman on Monday afternoon when he discovered from my counts that the leukemia was back and beginning to grow again. All the small syptums I had been having were a good tip off but of course we moved as quickly as we could! Dr. Berryman decided to pull a bone marrow core first thing Tuesday morning to see how extensive it was, the count had to be lower than 20% cancer cells or the transplant would be posponed for another 4 weeks while I did another round of chemo. Of course all our hearts sank and the tears began to flow. He told us to take it to a higher power and pray and tell all of our friends to pray. That we did, because of my kids facebook lit up like a billboard and my little text message fingers began to fly. Needless to say it was a very restless night but a lot of time to spend with the Lord. I have a feeling He heard my name that night much more than He felt He needed to. Wes and I did so feel lifted up.
Tuesday morning we went to have the bone marrow draw at 9 and they pretty much knocked me out for that and then I went straight to another building to switch out the Hickman to a Pic line as a means to put in the drugs. That turned out to be a surgery and I was really knocked out and in the recovery room for hours. Finally got to a real room where I tried to wake up and see what was going on. Finally about 3:30 we heard the news that there were only 3% leukemia cells and the transplant was back on schedule. Many shouts, tears, and thank you Jesus followed as we celebrated the good news. Who knew we would ever celebrate putting poison in our system to make things better-all I know I am praising God for it!
Chemo hasn't been bad they are very proactive here about side effects, they try to ward them off before the problems arise. Everyone is wonderful, many are believers and share their faith eagerly! Yesterday my insurance advocate that helped through all the insurance bad stuff, came to visit me and she is such a delight. She is Indian and I often wondered about her faith and yesterday we got to talk and she is a believer and that thrilled my heart! God gives us little gifts all along the way.
Last night I could meet with our Bible Study class in Midland and what a blessing that was. Got to see all of their sweet faces on Skype and also to hear Beth do her lecture. Is great to still be attached! Thank you internet.
I shared a story with the girls last night I would like to share with yall about God giving us little gifts that sometimes we don't even recognize until a little later. We were all so caught up in fighting with insurance companies and rushing everyone up to avoid an extra round of chemo I guess we lost sight of what God was handing us to help up through the bogg. When I got on the Baylor campus they handed us a notebook all about transplant from beginning to end. Two things really caught my eye and heart and I had to stop and thank the Lord for ours. First finding an unrelated donor usually takes from 4-6 months and sometimes years, sometimes never. My donor was located within one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Secondly it takes donor examination information clearance about 6 months and mine was through in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The most incredible one is that he was a perfect match 6 out of 6. They will accept even a 4 out of 6 for a transplant, so I felt incredibility blessed from all of this.He never lets us down or forgets where we are, just sometimes we get so caught up in all the stuff of every day we don't see them. I'm so glad He has us in the palm of His hands even when we feel we are floundering in a whirlpool. He never leaves us or forgets us! Praise Him!
I leave you with some words from Beth but most importantly from the Word:
Lord, according to Your Word, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Prob 13:12). Lord, You are keenly aware of any hopes that have been deferred in my life. Help me to put my hopes in You, for You will fulfill my longings.
Wonderful Savior You tell me that there is surely a future hope for me, and my hope will not be cut off (Prov 23:18). When I hope in you, Lord, I will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint (Isa 40:31) (one of my favorite verses)
Lord, help me hear this word as one from You to me: "So there is hope for your future,"declares the Lord (Jer 29:17)
We as believers all have a hope and should never forget that so in the low days that follow help me pray never to loose sight of that because I'm betting on the other side of this are great things for me and my family. Can't wait. Luv you all and remember God is good------------------all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!