ANOTHER NEW GRANDBABY AND ANOTHER BIRTHDAY!

Long time since I have checked in with ya'll out there and so much has happened since then. Our precious Bass is 3 months old and of course is as cute as ever. We also have another new grandbaby, Zela Lynn Schroeder was born on March 13 and is soooooooooooo beautiful and another wonderful blessing to Poppop and Suesue!. Big sister Shiloh is as cute and sweet as ever. I feel so blessed and thank God daily He allowed me to live to see these wonderful additions and watch our three grandchildren grow and bring smiles to the faces of each of us.
On March 23 I turned 61 and was so excited to be here to celebrate this birthday. There were days in the past year I thought I would not see that day but praise Him, God had more for me to do on this old earth. Funny how our birthdays just become a number and how a brush with death can make us glad to see those "old numbers". My sweet family helped me celebrate and of course my many friends are still helping me celebrate a week later. I know I have said this so many times but I am daily overwhelmed with the emotions of having so many attentive friends who daily continue to show me love ! So blessed.
Today I attended the surprise birthday party for a dear friend who turned 85. As I sat and listened to one after another of young and old alike express gratitude to her and tell stories of how she had taught and blessed them through the years, it made me wonder what kind of legacy I would leave on this earth and in the hearts of those whose paths I crossed. My prayer would be that they would have some good things to say and see a life glorifying our Lord. Certainly makes me acutely aware of the steps I take, words I say, and the decisions I make. Are they steps taken to glorify the Father or just busy steps to satisfy what I want? Are they words of edification or words that hurt and bring others down? Are they decisions that would point people to my Jesus or would make people run the other way? Enormous points to ponder and so important to leave behind as we live for Him. I just recently completed Beth Moore's study on James and I have never been so convicted in my life of my tongue and my actions. Oh Lord would that you would help me as I walk this road that you would guard my tongue and my heart so that people I come in contact with would remember me as one who pointed to You and not to the world. Such a hard role to fill and one that can only be walked if my eyes are fixed on the one who created that tongue and mind. That's my prayer.
I continue to heal and make milestones in my transplant process. I have gone from having to be seen weekly to check blood counts to having to go in one time a month and have blood checked and see the doctor. Seems like just yesterday I was fighting for my life in a hospital room at Baylor in Dallas. I see Dr. Berryman next week and we will check blood and see if my transplant stem cells have totally taken over so that my checkups can even be further apart. The same goes for the bone marrow draws which is truly great news. My blood type will have totally changed and I will have to receive new immunizations just like an infant to insure my immune system is protected. Modern medicine is so amazing and I again realize what a true miracle this whole process was. I hear of leukemia patients so often who never find donors or have severe rejection problems and God was good enough to bypass all of that for me. I still have stomach problems occasionally and food is not my friend which is so foreign to me but that is not such a bad thing. I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8 but that is good and much healthier than being overweight. Don't get me wrong that was not a pleasant way to shuck the pounds but it was a positive result and I look for those. My fingernails continue to fall off one at a time and Dr. Berryman said that was from the transplant and they would come back stronger than ever. At first I was devastated but was reminded very quickly that it was certainly a small price to pay for life itself. My hair and eyelashes are growing back oh so slowly but that too will come back and I know I will someday be back to some kind of normalcy. I continue to take anti rejection drugs but am so thankful they have worked and I have had few illnesses.
As I write this I am reminded again that God has been so good to me in this life and realize that I need Him more than ever. He is my hope and my life and I still wonder how people get through these journeys with no one to turn to. Nothing or no one can take the place of the one who created it all!
Every morning I am reminded of this beautiful creation that God is allowing me to continue to enjoy. As I open the door to let the dog outside the Spring air smells so much sweeter and tears come to my eyes as I realize that I almost missed that this year. The warmth of the air feels wonderful and I will not complain about the hot temperatures of the summer months-believe me they are glorious and I am enjoying everyday I am given.
I look so forward to the coming years with my beautiful family and enjoy every moment with my wonderful husband-what a gift he is.
As I look forward to the Easter season and especially resurrection Sunday I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus endured just for us, His children, and that our suffering on this earth cannot even compare. How grateful I am He loved us so much!
Again I turn to God's words to express my feelings:
O God, let it be said of me that my faith is growing more and more, and the love I have for others is increasing (2 Thess. 1:3)
How I pray that you may count me worthy of Your calling, and that by Your power You may fulfill every good purpose of mine and every act prompted by my faith (2 Thess. 1:11)
Lord God, I desire that these things will be remembered before You: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thess 1:3) Amen and amen!

God is good------all the time!

NEW GRANDBABY-----WOOHOO!

Our new grandbaby is one month old today and so sweet! He was born on Jan. 9 at 1:50 am after a lot of work by his mom, our sweet daughter, Melissia Hoke. We are so proud of her, Josh and especially of Sebastian "Bass" Outlaw Hoke. He weighed in at a hefty 9 lbs. 7 oz. and 22 1/2 in. long. He now weighs over 10 lbs and has grown 2 inches in length. is such a good baby and Melissia and Josh are great parents. Sue Sue and Pop Pop are having fun holding and spoiling that boy. Being double grandparents is wonderful!!!!!

We have another blessing on the way, due around the first of March. Weslee and Zach await the birth of number two baby girl, Zela Lynn. Number one daughter is excited too about her new baby sister. Shiloh talks about baby Zela all the time. These old grandparents are just waiting for the phone to ring and off we go to help. Can't wait!

As for me, I am doing great and continuing to improve and get my strength back day by day. Transplant does take a long time to bounce back from and I have not gotten back to where I was before this journey began. The doctors have told me repeatedly not to become discouraged and to take it easy. It is so hard not to go full speed ahead on the days I feel really strong but I always pay for that in the following days if I don't do what I know is right. I have decided I am a slower learner than I thought because I continue to make the same mistake of overdoing again and again. I just want to be right in the middle of all the hustle an bustle again and not have to pay for that in the days afterward. Once again I look to God to lead me into the things I can do and hold me back from overdoing! What a comfort to know that when we don't do whats best for us our Heavenly Father prepares the road for us, we just have to pay attention and follow His lead.

I continue to have stomach problems and haven't gotten my appetite yet. The loss of appetite is not a bad thing but I will say it is weird not having a desire to eat because that is so unlike me. I really feel like this all is due to the anti rejection drugs that I am still taking but I am blessed to have drugs that can help my body along in this process. I told the doctor I have always had problems with my stomach and digestion process and the chemo just finished that off and ruined them forever. He just laughed. Chemo is truly the gift that keeps on giving-haha.
My hair has not come in yet and I am stressing over that. I keep thinking that the follicles have been permanently destroyed and I may never have hair again. That chemo was just unbelievably strong and will take some time to get over-again I am impatient (imagine that). Meanwhile I have a great wig and wonderful false lashes and am really good at drawing on brows so I can feel comfortable out among the world. While I am sharing side effects of chemo I can tell you it's not good for nails either. Two of my nails on my right hand have begun to let go from the base up, that is not fun and of course it looks so bad. Thank you Lord for a great nail tech who can cover up the ugly nails with shellac and make them look beautiful until they repair themselves.
As you can tell from all the rantings in the paragraphs preceding aftereffects of chemo are not fun and are ongoing for months to follow. YUCK

All of that is truly trivial and counts for nothing but vanity, which I struggle with, and I am sure God is showing me what really is important to this life. The really important thing is that God has given me the opportunity to continue living and making a difference in the world around me. How extremely thankful I am for that and how I pray He will show me the difference I can make! What a blessing to be able to return to my wonderful church and the responsibilities I have there (so thankful I still feel needed). How precious to be with my wonderful friends and laugh and share with them and just be with them. What a blessing to be able to return to work and see my sweet bosses and coworkers and be welcomed with open arms as always. How sweet it is to see my clients who I have helped for years and to hear that I was missed. How precious to be able to read and sing with my sweet Shiloh and have her hug and cuddle with me and love the feel of her arms around my neck and her sweet voice saying, Sue Sue. I love being able to hold Bass and listen to the sweet baby noises and imagining he really does recognize me and is smiling. What a blessing to look forward to holding that new little baby Zela and getting to know her over the coming years. How wonderful to be able to enjoy my great children and plan for the future and all the coming vacations, holidays, gatherings, future weddings, children, and everything that comes with being a family. Laughing together, crying together, praising our Jesus together, and just loving one another! Most of all, the added years I have been granted with my sweet husband to plan, share, love, and just plain enjoy every minute with him by my side. What a joy he is in my life and I am thankful beyond words that God has allowed me to share more of my life with him. Above all of these blessings I have been allowed to continue is the most precious one of all, a continued relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. To be able to give all the glory to Him for this journey He has set me on and walks with me daily. As always my prayer is that I can make Him proud to call me His child and that He can be seen in my daily walk! To Him be all the glory and honor in this journey! This is my prayer.

Once again I go to His precious word for comfort. In Eph. 3:16-2, my prayer, "God, I pray that out of Your glorious riches You will strengthen me with power through Your Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-----that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to You who are able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, according to Your power that is at work within me, to You be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" Amen.

God is good---all the time!

HAPPY NEW YEAR----May it be better than the past two!

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year! Of course ours was so great and blessed-we enjoyed each other so much. I must say it is so good to be alive and with all those I love so much. This year was so special and we enjoyed each activity more than ever before. On top of all the festivities God blessed us with a beautiful white Christmas and it was such a joy to watch the faces of all the kids and especially our beautiful grand baby, Shiloh. They so enjoyed playing in the white stuff!

All of our family agreed we were ready for a new year and prayed that God would give us a break from all the sickness we have gone through the past two years. I must say even with all the sickness our family has never been closer and happier than we are right now, and I am giving the praise to our Lord for making something good from bad times! Praises to Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I continue to improve from the transplant. They were right when they said it is a slow long road back but as long as it works I am good. I go to the doctor here in Midland once a week for blood counts and be sure all my levels are where they should be. They have been great so far and I just have to continue the anti-rejection drugs until they say to stop. I have had no signs of rejection, which is great, but I will be glad to cut down on them as they seem to mess with my stomach and my appetite. Never had trouble with eating before but it is still not one of my favorite activities probably because of the after effects. I'm sure time will take care of that.

Dr. Berryman from Dallas comes to Midland once a month to see all of his transplant patience so January 5 is the next date I will see him. We will talk about talking out this port-a-cath that they used to give me the chemo and IV's during the transplant-of course I am so excited about that as it is just one! more weird thing with my body that I can get rid of ! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He will also order a bone marrow draw to be sure all the leukemia continues to be gone. These are always an anxious test for me because my mind begins to have negative thoughts about what if it comes back. I don't know when those thoughts will go away perhaps as time goes on, but I do know that God knows what the future holds and He will prepare me for the future. My prayer is that He will keep the leukemia away so I can continue to get better each day.

January 12 I will be three months out from the transplant and will be passed the critical period when rejection can occur. I won't have to be so careful about crowds even though I have to be smart about my activities and where I go. It has been so hard to stay away from crowds so much and be careful of sick people-I miss being around people all the time like I am used to. They also told me I could go back to work slowly and I am so glad about that as I miss the store and all my co-workers and customers. Just have a little while left to stay in. Looking forward to that mile stone!

We eagerly anticipate the birth of our second grand baby. Melissia is due to give birth to little Bass any day and SueSue and PopPop can't wait to hold him and spoil him rotten. Weslee is due to give birth to little Zela in March so we will be there to welcome her and spoil her as well. Of course we continue to enjoy our precious Shiloh and marvel at how she grows so each time we see her. God has been so good to our family and we are so grateful. I'm just thankful He has given me more time to spend with family and watch them grow and see what God has for them in the coming years. I pray He will give me many more years to watch our family grow and walk with Him.

I could go on and on about being grateful about what God has taught me through every step of this journey but there isn't much more to say. I hope people have seen Jesus in our family, even in the lowest times, or especially in those times. I can't say I want to revisit any of those times but I can say I hope they were used for His glory. I don't know what 2012 holds for us but I pray He will be glorified in whatever comes our way. As Marshall always says "He has already been there mom, He is never surprised!"

James 1:12 tells us "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." I pray we have finished with this test!

I close with three great scriptures--Isa. 44:6,8 "My Father, I acknowledge that You are the Lord Almighty. You are the first and You are the last, and apart from You there is no other God. Make me witness to the fact that there is no other Rock but You. Enable me to say with full assurance, 'I know not one' "
Isa. 43:15-16 "You are my Lord, my Holy One, my Creator, my King. You are the One who made a way through the sea, a path through mighty waters"
Deut. 30:20 "You are the Lord my God. I desire to love You, listen to Your voice, and hold fast to You, for You, Lord, are my life."
I praise Him for being able to say how He is my life!

God is good-----------all the time!

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Merry Christmas has a whole new meaning

Hey friends, what a whirlwind the past few weeks have been. Since returning home from Dallas it has been such a wonderful, time reuniting with friends and getting ready for Christmas and the celebrations that come with that time of the year.

Still enjoying my newly redecorated house and of course the beautiful Christmas decorations that were done by my dear friends from Ms Cayce's. I find myself just sitting and taking it all in over and over again and I see something new every time!

Dr. Carr has urged me to stay in as much as possible until the middle of January. With transplants the first three months are crucial and rejection is possible anytime. They described my immune system as being "infant" and I can get sick very easily. I had only been homes five days when I got a cold and that made a believer of me. I realized I am not invincible and must give myself time to recover. You would think I had learned that already but obviously I forget easily. I came back thinking I would have all the energy in the world and be able to take up where I left off and I learned very quickly my endurance is short and my limbs are weak. They say that it will take up to a year to build myself back again and as you know my patience is on a short fuse. I have done a lot of talking to myself lately and not expected so much and tried to listen to my body as it continues to heal itself. Definitely a lot of help from the Lord as I pray He will show me what I can and cannot do.

My days at home have been filled with getting ready for my kids to come home for Christmas. I have burnt up cyber space ordering gifts and as they come in getting them wrapped. Friends have been able to come in periodically and visit and that has been so fun. I so miss being around people and being able to see friends at work and at church. I must say the middle of January can't come soon enough.

Wes and I are so excited about our new grand babies that are coming soon. Melissia is due around the first week of January and we are so ready to welcome our Sebastian Outlaw into the family. Then in early March Weslee will be ready to have our new little Zela Lynn into the family and we will be holding babies all the time! WOOHOO! Then of course we continue to enjoy our Shiloh Celeste as we watch her grow and learn. What a joy it is to hear her sing about Jesus in her sweet voice. Grand babies are so fun!

This Christmas is so special. Seems when you have a year with leukemia and have a stem cell transplant you realize that you may not have been around for Christmas if someone had not shared part of their life with you. I so appreciate that young man and all the doctors and nurses who gave of themselves so that I could be here to celebrate the birth of our Savior.

I look so forward to having all of my family home and in one spot for a part of the holidays. We are so blessed to have such wonderful children and doubly blessed to be able to share with them this season. The smells of the holidays are sweeter, the lights brighter, the music more beautiful and of course the meaning of the holidays is deeper than ever before. As we read the Christmas story this year with the family, I know it will not be just words but a deeper promise for a sweeter walk with our Jesus this coming year. I look forward to a brighter 2012 and a chance to give back to all who gave to us this past year. I can never express how truly blessed we have been!

As I reflect back over the past year, I marvel at how far God has brought me and what He has taught me through this journey. Amazing-I am not who I was and He still isn't through.

As always God's word speaks to me and can say what I feel---"The Lord will do (has done) great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, Lord, carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with me." (Ps. 126:3, 5-6) I pray I have sown seeds along the way of this journey and others have seen Jesus along the way. I pray for joy to remain in my heart regardless of what lies ahead.

Beth Moore has prayed and I pray that as well-"Please help me be willing to sow the seed of Your Word and to water it with my tears, believing You, in the midst of my pain. If I do, You will be faithful to fill me with joy again. You will faithfully bring a harvest forth from my life. My suffering will not be in vain."

"You, the God of all grace, who called me to Your eternal glory in Christ will restore me and make me strong, firm, and steadfast after I have suffered a little while" (1 Pet. 5:10). Lord, I pray the suffering is over for a while and I can serve you with my whole heart.

Merry Christmas-enjoy every second of it!!!

God is good--------all the time

So Much to be Thankful for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day it will be---Thanksgiving this year will be filled with so much to be thankful for. The last few weeks have been filled with blessings from my Jesus and just the fact I am here to celebrate is enough. On top of that I am feeling great and improving everyday and get to be with my brother and his family. Two months ago I would have never dreamed I would be able to even enjoy being alive and aware of all the undeserved blessings.

My girls are both with their in-laws but that is okay because we get to have them for Christmas. Woohoo. What a Christmas that will be since we have TWO grandbabies on the way. Sabastian Outlaw will be born to Melissia and Josh in January and Zeela Lynn will be born to Weslee and Zach in March. Can you even imagine what next Christmas will be like. Of course this Christmas will be filled with "princess" surprises for our precious Shiloh. Can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Our Marshall will be with us for Thanksgiving and we are so thankful for that. We will leave for Tyler earlier in the morning. Then let the praising begin!

I had a doctor visit on this past Monday and everything looked great still. I don't have to go back until next Monday and then Dr. Berryman said if all is well, home to Midland! So excited to return to family and friends, and especially to my own home. Somehow thought this day would never come. It seems so long ago since I left and of course we have been through so much since then. The worst of the transplant is over and now we just watch for rejection or infection. We are praying God will protect from those so that all goes well. I see Dr. Berryman the following Thursday as he will come for clinical visits that day. That in itself is a blessing that was set up before I even needed it. Isn't God great!

Thanksgiving takes on a whole new meaning in my life now. It's not just a sweet little holiday tucked between Halloween and Christmas but one to truly give thanks for what God has handed me and us as a family. Praises I am here for the holiday, out of the hospital, not nauseated, eating and not hooked up to an IV. Most of all I am in remission with no signs of leukemia or any other kind of cancer. Six months ago the future looked bleak with little hope of that. What a journey it has been, not all wonderful but what God has done with it has been another miracle in my life. I find it hard to even put into words what I am feeling but I can say that life is so much sweeter, the days are brighter, the nights calmer, the wind feels good on my skin, my family is more special, my husband I love even more and above all my God is greater! Praise Him for the journey and all the blessings it brought.

O God, help me always to be thankful that I am loved by You, because from the beginning You chose me to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth (2 Thess. 2:13)
You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful! (Jer. 31:3-4)

Lord, I am so ready to pick up that tambourine and dance with joy. I couldn't be more joyful and that makes the holidays more special than ever! Thank You, thank You for the chance to dance once again. I pray that I never miss that dance. Amen

God is good-----------all the time!

Praises for the Miracle

Yesterday the visit to the doctor was such wonderful news that I have waited to hear since the beginning of this journey---"total remission and no signs of cancer". Dr. Barryman was so excited to bring me the news and those words were more beautiful than any I had heard for so long. Of course, if you know me you won't be surprised, I totally fell apart because I was so happy. We all hugged including the doctor, he is so wonderful about being involved with his patience and for that I am so grateful. I just said praise Jesus and so did Dr. Barryman. During this whole process he has been so wonderful to be up front with his faith and give God the credit for each milestone of the transplant.
I go back to the clinic on Friday and if all is well we will go to my brothers home in Tyler for Thanksgiving then back here to clinic on Monday and if all is the same home to Midland. I can't tell you how excited I am to be back home with family and friends in familiar surroundings. Celebrating the holiday season this year will be a little more special and so sweet. Praise you Jesus for bringing us through this!
These verses tell you how I feel about being at the end of this part of my journey.
Ps 66:8-10 Praise You, my God! Let the sound of Your praise be heard. You have preserved my life and kept my feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested me; You refined me like silver.
Jer. 31:3-4 You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful!
Finally in Ps. 31:7-8 I will be glad ad rejoice in Your love, O God, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Hallelujah! Praise you my sweet Jesus!

God is good-----all the time!