Anxious!

So anxious for Tuesday. Finished my shots yesterday and I must say I am glad, they do have a tendency to make you feel like a great big truck has run over my body. Surprising how much better I feel after not having chemo for a few weeks. Can actually taste my food again-that could be good or bad-need to loose a few more pounds. Trying not to get my hopes up for more chemo, a real hard place as I want my bone marrow to work but of course chemo is no fun. I am glad the decision rest in the hands of the Lord and not me! I rest!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday evening in the Beth Moore Bible study was such an emotional time. Have you ever had Beth lecture and you look around and wonder what all of the other people are doing there because she is speaking only to you and no one else should be around. Part of her teaching was on leaders having rough times to go through to see how they react and of course while other people, as well as God observes them. I look at myself and said, who me. Of course the Lord looked at me and said yeah you! I must admit I was overwhelmed with emotion and responsibility and questions as to whether I have reacted in this situation as I should or if I should have acted differently. I immediately began second guessing myself and having flashback of each situation during this journey that I have passed through. I was so overcome with emotion I just dismissed the class and had nothing to say. That my friends is way out of the ordinary for me as I always have something to say! After much contemplation I have decided that I reacted in most cases as I would have desired too and am painfully humbled to think that God would think me worthy to go through this journey as others watched me travel. I can only pray that as Beth said He would be able to brag on my behavior and be proud of the way His daughter has reacted. I know it hasn't always been how He wished that it would be but hopefully He can salvage some for the furthering of His kingdom. I am thankful for the opportunity to represent His children in a tough situation!

I look forward to Tuesday and pray I will be able to make Him proud of my behavior. I am ready Lord to walk wherever you lead. Take my hand and lead me on.

God is good--------------all the time! susan