Omg it seems like everyday there is a new set of problems to address. I am right on schedule but its hard to convince my brain that I should hurt like this. I know I am tough and try not to complain but I HURT all over. They started giving me the shots today to jump start my bone marrow. I have had them before and they just make you feel like you have the flu in your bones. My old left hip has decided to be squirrely and hurts like one other time before many years ago. My mouth sores are still ripe and I can't eat except ice chips and a popsicle every now and then. I know thats hard to believe, most of you have seen me eat. Believe me there comes a time when you couldn't eat even if someone held a gun to your head. I did have some fat to live off of but didn't have this in mind for a weight loss plan. Oh well, this too shall pass!
These people work with you everyway possible to make you comfortable. This little pump has helped so much, just don't want to be hooked although they say you can't be. Just not used to giving in and admitting I need help.
We covet each and every prayer that has been sent up on our behalf. I would definitely have given up many days before. You are all so precious to us.
Better days lay ahead!
Rom 15:13 God of hope, please fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ps 51:8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Ps 65:9 You care for me far more than the land You enrich abundantly. Flood my dry soul with the streams of God and fill me with joy.
I am ready for streams of joy and my bones to rejoice!!!!!!!!!!!
God is good-------------all the time!!!!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I'm still alive
Yes I am still alive. Back and forth for the last two weeks. Harder than anything that I have ever done and I do pray I will not have to go backwards. Many days of darkness and in and out of reality-nausea like I have never experienced before in my life. I am not a nausea person but I could not shake it ravage on my body. Many of the drugs they tried on me gave me horrific dreams which were not restful at all-finally they got in some patches and that along with the drugs got it manageable. All that was due to 6 full days of chemo which was stronger than I have ever had before. Literally to death and back!!!!!
Now the aftereffects are severe mouth sores from my mouth all the way through my digestive track and out! Still having gut issues but I promise they say all this is normal-oh but that I wasn’t normal! Eating has been a real issue. I think I haven’t any substantial food for about 8 days-what a weight plan! I truly want to eat but it just won’t go down-I look forward to the mouth sores subsiding and to eat again.
On a good note my counts are dropping like a rock just as they should and hopefully in a few days my donor cells will begin to talk up shop and grow baby grow. I can never be able to express my gratefulness for that young man-literally a life giver!
During those dark days I sang in myself, especially ”O How He Loves Us”. I am still amazed how much He does love us and how when all else is gone He remains, stronger than ever. Listen to this quote from our Beth Moore “God will give us victory, but sometimes He will require every ounce of energy and cooperation we have in the process”. I am there, no more energy but I am cooperating because I have no energy to do otherwise. I do know that someday in the near future I will again stand with energy and strength and be able to soar on the wings of eagles once again. I do so miss my beloved Crestview and working alongside my dear friends and family there. I am so blessed.
I couldn’t end without bragging on my sweet husband-what a jewel. He has been sleeping on this little couch now every night to help and be there for me. What a gift from God he is and I can’t tell you how much I love him more and more every day. My precious children have been in and out and keeping wash done and keeping us company. This is truly a family affair.
I close with some precious words from the Psalms 126:5-6 Blessed merciful Gpd. Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with me.
Your eyes, Lord are on those who fear You on those whose hope is in Your unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. I wait in hope for you Lord. You are my help and my shield. In You my heart rejoices for I trust in your Holy Name. May your unfailing love rest on me. O Lord even as I put my hope in You (Psalm 33:18-22)
Father, healing is definitely in Your hands and I pray for strength to wait on You to restore me.
God is good-----------all the time!!!!
Now the aftereffects are severe mouth sores from my mouth all the way through my digestive track and out! Still having gut issues but I promise they say all this is normal-oh but that I wasn’t normal! Eating has been a real issue. I think I haven’t any substantial food for about 8 days-what a weight plan! I truly want to eat but it just won’t go down-I look forward to the mouth sores subsiding and to eat again.
On a good note my counts are dropping like a rock just as they should and hopefully in a few days my donor cells will begin to talk up shop and grow baby grow. I can never be able to express my gratefulness for that young man-literally a life giver!
During those dark days I sang in myself, especially ”O How He Loves Us”. I am still amazed how much He does love us and how when all else is gone He remains, stronger than ever. Listen to this quote from our Beth Moore “God will give us victory, but sometimes He will require every ounce of energy and cooperation we have in the process”. I am there, no more energy but I am cooperating because I have no energy to do otherwise. I do know that someday in the near future I will again stand with energy and strength and be able to soar on the wings of eagles once again. I do so miss my beloved Crestview and working alongside my dear friends and family there. I am so blessed.
I couldn’t end without bragging on my sweet husband-what a jewel. He has been sleeping on this little couch now every night to help and be there for me. What a gift from God he is and I can’t tell you how much I love him more and more every day. My precious children have been in and out and keeping wash done and keeping us company. This is truly a family affair.
I close with some precious words from the Psalms 126:5-6 Blessed merciful Gpd. Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with me.
Your eyes, Lord are on those who fear You on those whose hope is in Your unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. I wait in hope for you Lord. You are my help and my shield. In You my heart rejoices for I trust in your Holy Name. May your unfailing love rest on me. O Lord even as I put my hope in You (Psalm 33:18-22)
Father, healing is definitely in Your hands and I pray for strength to wait on You to restore me.
God is good-----------all the time!!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
DAY -6 AND COUNTING
I am at Baylor University Medical Center in the Roberts building and am already hooked up to the life saving poison they begin the treatment with.
All went as scheduled until the appointment with doctor Berryman on Monday afternoon when he discovered from my counts that the leukemia was back and beginning to grow again. All the small syptums I had been having were a good tip off but of course we moved as quickly as we could! Dr. Berryman decided to pull a bone marrow core first thing Tuesday morning to see how extensive it was, the count had to be lower than 20% cancer cells or the transplant would be posponed for another 4 weeks while I did another round of chemo. Of course all our hearts sank and the tears began to flow. He told us to take it to a higher power and pray and tell all of our friends to pray. That we did, because of my kids facebook lit up like a billboard and my little text message fingers began to fly. Needless to say it was a very restless night but a lot of time to spend with the Lord. I have a feeling He heard my name that night much more than He felt He needed to. Wes and I did so feel lifted up.
Tuesday morning we went to have the bone marrow draw at 9 and they pretty much knocked me out for that and then I went straight to another building to switch out the Hickman to a Pic line as a means to put in the drugs. That turned out to be a surgery and I was really knocked out and in the recovery room for hours. Finally got to a real room where I tried to wake up and see what was going on. Finally about 3:30 we heard the news that there were only 3% leukemia cells and the transplant was back on schedule. Many shouts, tears, and thank you Jesus followed as we celebrated the good news. Who knew we would ever celebrate putting poison in our system to make things better-all I know I am praising God for it!
Chemo hasn't been bad they are very proactive here about side effects, they try to ward them off before the problems arise. Everyone is wonderful, many are believers and share their faith eagerly! Yesterday my insurance advocate that helped through all the insurance bad stuff, came to visit me and she is such a delight. She is Indian and I often wondered about her faith and yesterday we got to talk and she is a believer and that thrilled my heart! God gives us little gifts all along the way.
Last night I could meet with our Bible Study class in Midland and what a blessing that was. Got to see all of their sweet faces on Skype and also to hear Beth do her lecture. Is great to still be attached! Thank you internet.
I shared a story with the girls last night I would like to share with yall about God giving us little gifts that sometimes we don't even recognize until a little later. We were all so caught up in fighting with insurance companies and rushing everyone up to avoid an extra round of chemo I guess we lost sight of what God was handing us to help up through the bogg. When I got on the Baylor campus they handed us a notebook all about transplant from beginning to end. Two things really caught my eye and heart and I had to stop and thank the Lord for ours. First finding an unrelated donor usually takes from 4-6 months and sometimes years, sometimes never. My donor was located within one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Secondly it takes donor examination information clearance about 6 months and mine was through in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The most incredible one is that he was a perfect match 6 out of 6. They will accept even a 4 out of 6 for a transplant, so I felt incredibility blessed from all of this.He never lets us down or forgets where we are, just sometimes we get so caught up in all the stuff of every day we don't see them. I'm so glad He has us in the palm of His hands even when we feel we are floundering in a whirlpool. He never leaves us or forgets us! Praise Him!
I leave you with some words from Beth but most importantly from the Word:
Lord, according to Your Word, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Prob 13:12). Lord, You are keenly aware of any hopes that have been deferred in my life. Help me to put my hopes in You, for You will fulfill my longings.
Wonderful Savior You tell me that there is surely a future hope for me, and my hope will not be cut off (Prov 23:18). When I hope in you, Lord, I will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint (Isa 40:31) (one of my favorite verses)
Lord, help me hear this word as one from You to me: "So there is hope for your future,"declares the Lord (Jer 29:17)
We as believers all have a hope and should never forget that so in the low days that follow help me pray never to loose sight of that because I'm betting on the other side of this are great things for me and my family. Can't wait. Luv you all and remember God is good------------------all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All went as scheduled until the appointment with doctor Berryman on Monday afternoon when he discovered from my counts that the leukemia was back and beginning to grow again. All the small syptums I had been having were a good tip off but of course we moved as quickly as we could! Dr. Berryman decided to pull a bone marrow core first thing Tuesday morning to see how extensive it was, the count had to be lower than 20% cancer cells or the transplant would be posponed for another 4 weeks while I did another round of chemo. Of course all our hearts sank and the tears began to flow. He told us to take it to a higher power and pray and tell all of our friends to pray. That we did, because of my kids facebook lit up like a billboard and my little text message fingers began to fly. Needless to say it was a very restless night but a lot of time to spend with the Lord. I have a feeling He heard my name that night much more than He felt He needed to. Wes and I did so feel lifted up.
Tuesday morning we went to have the bone marrow draw at 9 and they pretty much knocked me out for that and then I went straight to another building to switch out the Hickman to a Pic line as a means to put in the drugs. That turned out to be a surgery and I was really knocked out and in the recovery room for hours. Finally got to a real room where I tried to wake up and see what was going on. Finally about 3:30 we heard the news that there were only 3% leukemia cells and the transplant was back on schedule. Many shouts, tears, and thank you Jesus followed as we celebrated the good news. Who knew we would ever celebrate putting poison in our system to make things better-all I know I am praising God for it!
Chemo hasn't been bad they are very proactive here about side effects, they try to ward them off before the problems arise. Everyone is wonderful, many are believers and share their faith eagerly! Yesterday my insurance advocate that helped through all the insurance bad stuff, came to visit me and she is such a delight. She is Indian and I often wondered about her faith and yesterday we got to talk and she is a believer and that thrilled my heart! God gives us little gifts all along the way.
Last night I could meet with our Bible Study class in Midland and what a blessing that was. Got to see all of their sweet faces on Skype and also to hear Beth do her lecture. Is great to still be attached! Thank you internet.
I shared a story with the girls last night I would like to share with yall about God giving us little gifts that sometimes we don't even recognize until a little later. We were all so caught up in fighting with insurance companies and rushing everyone up to avoid an extra round of chemo I guess we lost sight of what God was handing us to help up through the bogg. When I got on the Baylor campus they handed us a notebook all about transplant from beginning to end. Two things really caught my eye and heart and I had to stop and thank the Lord for ours. First finding an unrelated donor usually takes from 4-6 months and sometimes years, sometimes never. My donor was located within one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Secondly it takes donor examination information clearance about 6 months and mine was through in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The most incredible one is that he was a perfect match 6 out of 6. They will accept even a 4 out of 6 for a transplant, so I felt incredibility blessed from all of this.He never lets us down or forgets where we are, just sometimes we get so caught up in all the stuff of every day we don't see them. I'm so glad He has us in the palm of His hands even when we feel we are floundering in a whirlpool. He never leaves us or forgets us! Praise Him!
I leave you with some words from Beth but most importantly from the Word:
Lord, according to Your Word, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Prob 13:12). Lord, You are keenly aware of any hopes that have been deferred in my life. Help me to put my hopes in You, for You will fulfill my longings.
Wonderful Savior You tell me that there is surely a future hope for me, and my hope will not be cut off (Prov 23:18). When I hope in you, Lord, I will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint (Isa 40:31) (one of my favorite verses)
Lord, help me hear this word as one from You to me: "So there is hope for your future,"declares the Lord (Jer 29:17)
We as believers all have a hope and should never forget that so in the low days that follow help me pray never to loose sight of that because I'm betting on the other side of this are great things for me and my family. Can't wait. Luv you all and remember God is good------------------all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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