Yes I am still alive. Back and forth for the last two weeks. Harder than anything that I have ever done and I do pray I will not have to go backwards. Many days of darkness and in and out of reality-nausea like I have never experienced before in my life. I am not a nausea person but I could not shake it ravage on my body. Many of the drugs they tried on me gave me horrific dreams which were not restful at all-finally they got in some patches and that along with the drugs got it manageable. All that was due to 6 full days of chemo which was stronger than I have ever had before. Literally to death and back!!!!!
Now the aftereffects are severe mouth sores from my mouth all the way through my digestive track and out! Still having gut issues but I promise they say all this is normal-oh but that I wasn’t normal! Eating has been a real issue. I think I haven’t any substantial food for about 8 days-what a weight plan! I truly want to eat but it just won’t go down-I look forward to the mouth sores subsiding and to eat again.
On a good note my counts are dropping like a rock just as they should and hopefully in a few days my donor cells will begin to talk up shop and grow baby grow. I can never be able to express my gratefulness for that young man-literally a life giver!
During those dark days I sang in myself, especially ”O How He Loves Us”. I am still amazed how much He does love us and how when all else is gone He remains, stronger than ever. Listen to this quote from our Beth Moore “God will give us victory, but sometimes He will require every ounce of energy and cooperation we have in the process”. I am there, no more energy but I am cooperating because I have no energy to do otherwise. I do know that someday in the near future I will again stand with energy and strength and be able to soar on the wings of eagles once again. I do so miss my beloved Crestview and working alongside my dear friends and family there. I am so blessed.
I couldn’t end without bragging on my sweet husband-what a jewel. He has been sleeping on this little couch now every night to help and be there for me. What a gift from God he is and I can’t tell you how much I love him more and more every day. My precious children have been in and out and keeping wash done and keeping us company. This is truly a family affair.
I close with some precious words from the Psalms 126:5-6 Blessed merciful Gpd. Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with me.
Your eyes, Lord are on those who fear You on those whose hope is in Your unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. I wait in hope for you Lord. You are my help and my shield. In You my heart rejoices for I trust in your Holy Name. May your unfailing love rest on me. O Lord even as I put my hope in You (Psalm 33:18-22)
Father, healing is definitely in Your hands and I pray for strength to wait on You to restore me.
God is good-----------all the time!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment