Feel like I accomplished something by making it through week 2 of chemo. The fluids really helped with the nausea just left me with acheness and fatigue. Feels like I have done two Home for the Holidays back to back and need to crash. I have managed to keep going and worked a little (love that store). Just try to take it a little easy at home and of course my sweet Wes helps out so much and is so patient. Have had some wonderful meals this week thanks to sweet friends-what a God send they are.
Wigs are doing well, I even wrapped a scarf around my head to watch a movie at home last night and Wes didn't even call me aunt Jamima, thank you Lord. Still have my eyelashes and making good use of mascara while I can. Wonder what all else that chemo kills besides cancer but then I certainly can't think about that. Just glad I'm still kicking!
Ready for church tomorrow and of course the unveiling of the new hair. I am sure everyone will be kind to me. Don't know whether that means they are just nice, or just scarred to say anything bad, or maybe it does look darn good. After all everyone knows there is nothing worse on earth than a female who has lost her hair and is still on chemo! I'd be scarred, wouldn't you?
Speaking of lovely-check out this wonderful quote-
"When you are feeling unlovely, soak yourself in the proclamations of God's unfailing love for you". Wow, how is that for a promise, nothing so bad can make His children unlovely in His eyes.
I'm so glad He looks through all the ugliness of our behavior and our thoughts, even our bald skinny heads, out of shape bodies, and sick insides; and He continues to lavish His unfailing love on us every second of every day. Thank you my Jesus for loving me!
God, How I thank You that I can confidently claim that if You are for me, who can be against me? (Rom. 8:31). As Your child, help me to realize every day of my life that You are for me and never against me-and to know with full confidence that you go before me and the battle is won already!
God is good------------all the time, susan
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Uggg! Round 2
Had chemo yesterday and of course today has been kind of a downer. I spent this afternoon at the cancer center getting my booster shot and IV liquids to try and hold down the nausea. This crazy headache from the chemo is not fun but it does seem to be subsiding a little. I keep reminding myself this will pass sooner than later and is totally necessary. Days like this are hard because of all the pokes and needles-but-tomorrow is a new day and I am anxious to get there. I know the liquids are working because I have spent the remainder of the day in the bathroom but that is just more poison working its way through my system. Enough griping-movin on and I'm just glad to be alive and enjoying this cool weather we are so blessed to have.
As I was taking treatment this afternoon there we two "special men" they brought in for treatment from a local halfway house. The nurses were so gentle and patient with them and treated them with the utmost respect making them feel as comfortable as possible in a very unfamiliar environment to them. After all those years of teaching those precious souls my eyes filled with tears as I realized with all the problems they have lived with through the years, now they must endure even more. In their childlike ways they were so trusting and trying so hard to be brave.
We really have no problems and God has so blessed our families with health and so much more. I must remember to keep my eyes off myself and more on others and ultimately on the one who gives us life daily-our Lord and Savior!
You, my faithful Lord, are gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in Love. You, my Lord, are good to all. You have compassion on all You have made. All You have made will praise You, O Lord, Your saints will extol You (Ps 145:8-10).
Lord, my God, may Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant (Ps.119-76). I am your servant Lord, use me!
God is good-------------all the time! susan
As I was taking treatment this afternoon there we two "special men" they brought in for treatment from a local halfway house. The nurses were so gentle and patient with them and treated them with the utmost respect making them feel as comfortable as possible in a very unfamiliar environment to them. After all those years of teaching those precious souls my eyes filled with tears as I realized with all the problems they have lived with through the years, now they must endure even more. In their childlike ways they were so trusting and trying so hard to be brave.
We really have no problems and God has so blessed our families with health and so much more. I must remember to keep my eyes off myself and more on others and ultimately on the one who gives us life daily-our Lord and Savior!
You, my faithful Lord, are gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in Love. You, my Lord, are good to all. You have compassion on all You have made. All You have made will praise You, O Lord, Your saints will extol You (Ps 145:8-10).
Lord, my God, may Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant (Ps.119-76). I am your servant Lord, use me!
God is good-------------all the time! susan
Monday, August 23, 2010
My what a difference a day makes!
I must update this blog as yesterday was definitely a downer. The sun came up beautiful and bright this morning and God made a spectacular West Texas day and I will survive!
So many people prayed and I know that my Jesus reached down, brushed me off, patted my little bald head and said now my child go on with your life and "do good". I felt one hundred percent better except for the fact my head and eyes hurt from crying so much yesterday. Price I pay for being such a ball bag!
Wore my "new hair" to work today and so many of my regular customers came in and not one said anything about my hair being different or had strange looks on their faces. Just made me realize it looked good because no one said anything. I just want to look like I always do. I even put on my makeup this morning without anything on my bald head. I can now look at it in the mirror without tears. It is indeed ugly, very small and splotchy. There are still little nubs of hair where it has not fallen out and of course some spots are dark and some light because of the gray-the gray splotches look like glitter-weird like a Dalmatian dog or something-not attractive at all. I definitely know where my sweet son got his ugly bald head when he shaved it a few years ago-from his MAMA! I made so much fun of him-he even tried to make me feel better yesterday and said he would shave his too but we surely don't need two ugly bald heads in one family. Keep yours son and mine shall return!
Shout outs to my wonderful husband for just holding me last night and assuring me my hair was not what made me me and to my sweet children for all the encouragement over those hard hours. They were right there cheering me on over facebook and the telephone and even in person. So many friends were so concerned and prayed and God was there answering their prayers even before they were spoken.
Today's devotional was priceless and I must share:
Father God, how great is the love You have lavished on me, that I should be called a child of God! And that is what I am! (1 John 3:1)
As I walk with You, Lord, You will not let my foot slip---You who watch over me will not slumber; indeed, You who watch over Your children will neither slumber nor sleep.
Lord last night as your child cried herself to sleep you stayed up all night patting her head and letting her know that you love her more than she could ever imagine. Thank you Lord for not giving up on your child. She is beautiful in your sight!
God is good--------------all the time! susan
So many people prayed and I know that my Jesus reached down, brushed me off, patted my little bald head and said now my child go on with your life and "do good". I felt one hundred percent better except for the fact my head and eyes hurt from crying so much yesterday. Price I pay for being such a ball bag!
Wore my "new hair" to work today and so many of my regular customers came in and not one said anything about my hair being different or had strange looks on their faces. Just made me realize it looked good because no one said anything. I just want to look like I always do. I even put on my makeup this morning without anything on my bald head. I can now look at it in the mirror without tears. It is indeed ugly, very small and splotchy. There are still little nubs of hair where it has not fallen out and of course some spots are dark and some light because of the gray-the gray splotches look like glitter-weird like a Dalmatian dog or something-not attractive at all. I definitely know where my sweet son got his ugly bald head when he shaved it a few years ago-from his MAMA! I made so much fun of him-he even tried to make me feel better yesterday and said he would shave his too but we surely don't need two ugly bald heads in one family. Keep yours son and mine shall return!
Shout outs to my wonderful husband for just holding me last night and assuring me my hair was not what made me me and to my sweet children for all the encouragement over those hard hours. They were right there cheering me on over facebook and the telephone and even in person. So many friends were so concerned and prayed and God was there answering their prayers even before they were spoken.
Today's devotional was priceless and I must share:
Father God, how great is the love You have lavished on me, that I should be called a child of God! And that is what I am! (1 John 3:1)
As I walk with You, Lord, You will not let my foot slip---You who watch over me will not slumber; indeed, You who watch over Your children will neither slumber nor sleep.
Lord last night as your child cried herself to sleep you stayed up all night patting her head and letting her know that you love her more than she could ever imagine. Thank you Lord for not giving up on your child. She is beautiful in your sight!
God is good--------------all the time! susan
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Bald is NOT beautiful!
I have to say, today was one of the most traumatic days of my entire life. My hair has continued to fall out over the past few days and was beginning to be scary-never knew if I would have enough to comb. Anyway, my sweet hair stylist, Danette, and a I decided to go ahead and take the rest of it to stop the unknown. It was, I must say very emotional, but with her help I got through it and my bald head is way UGLY. My wig is really cute though, somewhat of a different style but still cute. Strange how we women are so tied up in our hair and self image-and no I'm not one of those that thinks it is the fault of the TV or Hollywood-just feel like it is a part of us that God put in us to care about what we look like. I must admit I have a bit too much vanity and I was a bit attached to my hair but I am sure I will get just as attached to this new me.
As my dear friend Becky McCraney said this morning you need to just get rid of it and mourn the loss of your hair and move on. Great philosophy-believe me I am mourning but, "This too shall pass." I know that in the days to come hair will be less of a priority and just my health will become more important. Hair is a small price to pay for getting rid of this invader inside of me that must be stopped. Chemo just kills everything in its path, good and bad-just hope it finds all the bad and I am sure that it will.
Start another round of chemo on Tuesday so I am prepared for the aftermath. I hopefully will be better prepared this time-I can do it! This is certainly one of those times when I can honestly say,"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Ready to be strengthened Lord-You must carry me because I certainly feel weak and very vulnerable. What would I do without the Lord to call on in all times, trouble and good times! I'm calling Lord-hear me.
God is good-----------all the time! susan
As my dear friend Becky McCraney said this morning you need to just get rid of it and mourn the loss of your hair and move on. Great philosophy-believe me I am mourning but, "This too shall pass." I know that in the days to come hair will be less of a priority and just my health will become more important. Hair is a small price to pay for getting rid of this invader inside of me that must be stopped. Chemo just kills everything in its path, good and bad-just hope it finds all the bad and I am sure that it will.
Start another round of chemo on Tuesday so I am prepared for the aftermath. I hopefully will be better prepared this time-I can do it! This is certainly one of those times when I can honestly say,"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Ready to be strengthened Lord-You must carry me because I certainly feel weak and very vulnerable. What would I do without the Lord to call on in all times, trouble and good times! I'm calling Lord-hear me.
God is good-----------all the time! susan
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Where oh where did that port wire go!
Got a call from Dr. Carr from the chest x-ray and I am definitely not broken (praise Jesus), but she still can't see the wire from the port clearly. Seems that thing goes over the clavicle bone and finds its way to a main artery. For some reason mine seems to be under the bone and she can't see it clearly. Wants me to have another chest x-ray on Monday before chemo on Tuesday. She did reassure me that she was sure mine was just a bit different but just didn't want the wire to be floating around (oh great). Just a precaution before chemo. Oh great, I say again-PLEASE LORD don't let me have to have surgery to straighten that thing out. I am trying to remain calm and not be alarmed. I, on the other hand, am having a hard time convincing myself to stay focused and know that I know God IS in control! Need some reassurance here Lord, I am loosing myself!
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning. You turn my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with You, my God I can scale a wall!
As for You, my God, Your way is perfect, Your Word is flawless. You are a shield for all who take refuge in You (Ps. 18: 28-30). This wall seems to be growing, Lord, let me feel that shield.
God is good---------------all the time! susan
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning. You turn my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with You, my God I can scale a wall!
As for You, my God, Your way is perfect, Your Word is flawless. You are a shield for all who take refuge in You (Ps. 18: 28-30). This wall seems to be growing, Lord, let me feel that shield.
God is good---------------all the time! susan
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Step back! Bummer
I was doing so good and regaining all my faculties from the chemo ----then---------- last Friday, I took a tumble in the kitchen. My old kitchen stool I had washed dishes on forever decided to come apart and throw me to the tile floor and on the way down the leg of the stool reached out and grabbed me in the ribs and who knows where else. All I know is that I fell all over the kitchen. Really was just bruised up and got up and went about my day. Had a full day on Saturday and did normal Sunday activities. Monday I noticed swelling around my surgery area and a little more soreness. Woke up at 4am and was hurting around the rib area and of course concerned about the swelling. Called the doctor this morning and went in at 12:30, Dr. Carr thought I had bruised cartilage around the rib cage, no broken bones (thank you Jesus). She ordered a chest x-ray just to be sure the port was still wired correctly so we would have no problem next Tuesday to do chemo again. I am waiting on the readings from the x-rays but she anticipated no problem.
I'm not gonna lie, this morning was hard and I had an immediate pity party. Why now, why this? Answer is, now is never a good time but it is what it is and I will survive and go on with treatment and whatever comes thereafter. Sometimes I do want to quit and this morning was one of them, but it is way too early to feel like that, I will try to not go there again (I don't like that place).
Today is a beautiful day and God remains in control of the day and of me-I must not forget that lesson.
Lord, please help me to revere Your name. You have promised that, if I do, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings and that I will go out and leap like a calf released from the stall (Mal.4:2). Ready for leaping Lord, send me your healing and raise me with your wings!
God is good---------------all the time! susan
I'm not gonna lie, this morning was hard and I had an immediate pity party. Why now, why this? Answer is, now is never a good time but it is what it is and I will survive and go on with treatment and whatever comes thereafter. Sometimes I do want to quit and this morning was one of them, but it is way too early to feel like that, I will try to not go there again (I don't like that place).
Today is a beautiful day and God remains in control of the day and of me-I must not forget that lesson.
Lord, please help me to revere Your name. You have promised that, if I do, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings and that I will go out and leap like a calf released from the stall (Mal.4:2). Ready for leaping Lord, send me your healing and raise me with your wings!
God is good---------------all the time! susan
Friday, August 13, 2010
FINALLY A DAY I DON'T WANT TO HURL!
Well, I made it through the first treatment week of chemo. My middle child, Weslee, pointed out that I said I had 13 more treatments left and that was definitely wrong. What can I say except that I was on drugs. I meant 13 more weeks but really that was even wrong. Oh well, I am old, crippled, cancerous, and on drugs so I have all sorts of excuses for making a mistake. All I know is PRAISE GOD I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK! I can honestly tell you this is not for sissies because this week sucked to put it bluntly.
The effects of all the chemo began on Monday night and thank God for nausea meds or I have no doubt I would have thrown up continually for 3 solid days. It does keep you from throwing up but the nausea feeling never goes away. The headache stayed until Tuesday evening and finally subsided. Tuesday I went to work a half a day and was glad I had something to take my mind off the yukky feeling-again thank you Lord for understanding bosses who love me! I went and had a white blood cell booster shot on Wednesday morning and then went to lunch with some friends and didn't take my nausea medicine until 2:30 and that was a huge mistake that they had warned me about. I never really got that under control until I woke up on Thursday morning.
Thursday morning dawned better than the day before and I could go to work again and worked a little longer and went home to rest. Today I feel wonderful, like a human again. It is wonderful to be able to eat something without the thought of force feeding myself. There were moments this week that I could not put anything in my mouth and swallow because I just felt bad. This stuff really wipes you out and zaps every ounce of energy you even thought you had. They said it is straight poison and I must remember that-it will all be worth it when its over!
I still must remind myself to drink water and go to the bathroom-what a schedule-you'd think I was an old person.
I must prepare myself for when everything begins to progressively build in my system from one treatment to another, it may get worse, but "It's not eternal". One day I will look back and this will all be a blur-ready for that all ready.
Will hold to this scripture from my devotional this morning from John16:22-24. Now is my time of grief but I will see You again, and I will rejoice, and no one will take away my joy (not even chemo). In that day I will no longer ask You anything. I can ask and I will receive, and my joy will be complete.
Isaiah 58:14 I will find joy in You, my Lord. You will cause me to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance You have given my spiritual forefathers.
Father I pray you never let me forget that joy you have given me deep within my soul. The joy I can reach down and pull up from the depths, even on days that I am thinking, why am I doing this. Thank you for the joy that is far above any understanding that we have as mere humans.
God is good-----------all the time! susan
The effects of all the chemo began on Monday night and thank God for nausea meds or I have no doubt I would have thrown up continually for 3 solid days. It does keep you from throwing up but the nausea feeling never goes away. The headache stayed until Tuesday evening and finally subsided. Tuesday I went to work a half a day and was glad I had something to take my mind off the yukky feeling-again thank you Lord for understanding bosses who love me! I went and had a white blood cell booster shot on Wednesday morning and then went to lunch with some friends and didn't take my nausea medicine until 2:30 and that was a huge mistake that they had warned me about. I never really got that under control until I woke up on Thursday morning.
Thursday morning dawned better than the day before and I could go to work again and worked a little longer and went home to rest. Today I feel wonderful, like a human again. It is wonderful to be able to eat something without the thought of force feeding myself. There were moments this week that I could not put anything in my mouth and swallow because I just felt bad. This stuff really wipes you out and zaps every ounce of energy you even thought you had. They said it is straight poison and I must remember that-it will all be worth it when its over!
I still must remind myself to drink water and go to the bathroom-what a schedule-you'd think I was an old person.
I must prepare myself for when everything begins to progressively build in my system from one treatment to another, it may get worse, but "It's not eternal". One day I will look back and this will all be a blur-ready for that all ready.
Will hold to this scripture from my devotional this morning from John16:22-24. Now is my time of grief but I will see You again, and I will rejoice, and no one will take away my joy (not even chemo). In that day I will no longer ask You anything. I can ask and I will receive, and my joy will be complete.
Isaiah 58:14 I will find joy in You, my Lord. You will cause me to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance You have given my spiritual forefathers.
Father I pray you never let me forget that joy you have given me deep within my soul. The joy I can reach down and pull up from the depths, even on days that I am thinking, why am I doing this. Thank you for the joy that is far above any understanding that we have as mere humans.
God is good-----------all the time! susan
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This is not fun
Started chemo yesterday and it turned into an all day process. Had to go for chemo training in the morning but that was really informative-learned a lot about what to expect. There was a lady in my class that was fretting about everything and kept saying "oh no, I don't like that" she finally said is there anything good about this and the precious little instructor said "No, not really". Really put things in perspective. Need to stay positive! and I will.
After blood work and a visit with the Dr., we finally got started. My port is a little further in than most peoples so the first needle she used was too short so she had to pull it out and use another one. Felt like someone put a tack in your chest, as Wes says, they did! I felt bad for her because she felt so bad since I was new at this. They are all so sweet and kind though, couldn't ask for better surroundings. Took about 2 hrs to get all of the medicine in.
The second drug they gave me she said would affect my sinuses, burning and headache, boy was that an understatement. Felt like a brain freeze but it never stopped. The nurse said next time they would slow the IV down so maybe it would not be so bad. Guess it's just a matter of adjustment each time. Gave me lots of nausea meds for home and believe me I am not trying to be brave and am taking all of them. Too many people have told me don't let it set in.
This morning was bad, had a hard time eating but drank Crystal Light and went to work. Felt better as the day went on. Came home about 2 and nausea set in again. I did manage to eat some supper though. They said I have to drink a gallon of water and go to the bathroom every 2 hours to flush out the poison. That's way different for me because I don't take time to go to the bathroom and don't drink very much water because of that. I am making an effort to mind though and believe it or not have done well today.
Today is Wes birthday. I feel bad since I haven't felt very good but as always he is so patient and kind. So concerned with my comfort. I do love him so much and appreciate him more and more as the days pass. I truly don't know what I would do without him. Thank you Lord-what a blessing!
Only have 13 more treatments to go. Not counting or anything-HA!
I only know, this too shall pass and this will all be a blur to me one of these days. I also know God gives us strength for the moment and I am calling on Him more and more as the moments pass. Thank you Lord for carrying me-I feel you stronger everyday.
God is good-----------------all the time! susan
After blood work and a visit with the Dr., we finally got started. My port is a little further in than most peoples so the first needle she used was too short so she had to pull it out and use another one. Felt like someone put a tack in your chest, as Wes says, they did! I felt bad for her because she felt so bad since I was new at this. They are all so sweet and kind though, couldn't ask for better surroundings. Took about 2 hrs to get all of the medicine in.
The second drug they gave me she said would affect my sinuses, burning and headache, boy was that an understatement. Felt like a brain freeze but it never stopped. The nurse said next time they would slow the IV down so maybe it would not be so bad. Guess it's just a matter of adjustment each time. Gave me lots of nausea meds for home and believe me I am not trying to be brave and am taking all of them. Too many people have told me don't let it set in.
This morning was bad, had a hard time eating but drank Crystal Light and went to work. Felt better as the day went on. Came home about 2 and nausea set in again. I did manage to eat some supper though. They said I have to drink a gallon of water and go to the bathroom every 2 hours to flush out the poison. That's way different for me because I don't take time to go to the bathroom and don't drink very much water because of that. I am making an effort to mind though and believe it or not have done well today.
Today is Wes birthday. I feel bad since I haven't felt very good but as always he is so patient and kind. So concerned with my comfort. I do love him so much and appreciate him more and more as the days pass. I truly don't know what I would do without him. Thank you Lord-what a blessing!
Only have 13 more treatments to go. Not counting or anything-HA!
I only know, this too shall pass and this will all be a blur to me one of these days. I also know God gives us strength for the moment and I am calling on Him more and more as the moments pass. Thank you Lord for carrying me-I feel you stronger everyday.
God is good-----------------all the time! susan
Saturday, August 7, 2010
I GOT BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went today and got fitted for prosthetics which is just a fancy word for fake bosoms. Finally feel like my clothes hang right and I even hold myself up straighter. Weird how the body gets so used to something that when you take it away your whole posture changes. Anyway it is good to look somewhat normal again. Love it.
Yesterday was crazy getting the ecocardiogram at the hospital. I just know one thing, I am so glad I did not have surgery it that hospital cause things are so crazy with all of the construction. First we went to the wrong side of the hospital and had to find our way to the front. Waited in line to get to the valet parking and the lady informed us she could not park our car because the inspection sticker was out of date (way to go hubby, he has been a little busy though). Of course being the kept woman that I am, I had no idea that that was the case. Anyway we proceded to the parking lot across from the hospital and tried to find a parking place in the tiny spaces provided. Found one, got the wheelchair out of the car and began to off road toward the hospital. The curb cuts were from Bible times and are crumbling and the cracks in the sidewalk and road are big enough to fall into. Melissia was afraid she was going to dump me in the road (I was too), so she was scared and of course we got tickled and began to laugh in our fear of an accident. A sweet man waiting at the bus stop yelled "wait lady and let me help you, you are scareing me". Anyway he took me across the street and we proceded up a long ramp into the hospital. We finally found the temporary admissions desk and the lady handed us one of those vibrater things like they have in restaurants and said I will get to you "shortly". Went to find a place to sit since there is no waiting room in all the construction and found two empty chairs by the window and as Melissia began to sit down this janitor man rolled up his cart and while Melissia's hand was on the chair he picked it up and said these chairs don't belong here and proceded to take both of them and put them on his cart and roll off as he muttered "I wonder who left those there". We of course got histerical because that was the funniest thing ever and finally found chairs in the snack area. So far this had been a trip fit for America's Funniest Videos. Finally our vibrater rattled and I had to fill out tons of paper work to be admitted to the hospital. They finally came for me and we were taken up to the fourth floor to the cardiac unit, where we were placed in a room, handed a gown and said wait for the eco man. He came in and explained the procedure and put that cold slimy gook on my bosoms that weren't there and did a sonogram of my heart. When he got to the bottom and had to move the towel he had over me, he slung it up to get under it and it hit me right in the face, towel. slimy gook and all. Now I have slime all over my face and am trying with everything in me not to roll off the bed with laughter. The eco took all of 10 min. after 1 hr. and 15 min. wait to get in. We proceeded out of that crazy hospital and off roaded back to the parking lot passed the lady who wouldn't park our car and stood there eating her T n T donuts in the shade. What a trip. I had my surgery in the best hospital in Dallas and was glad it was not in good ol' Midland Memorial Hospital. Sure made for a good story and a great day of laughter!
Meanwhile I prepare for Chemo to start at 1:00 Monday afternoon after my blood work and some training. I will be so glad when that first treatment is behind so I can at least quit speculating what it will be like. I do know though that every treatment might be different, I am just ready to get it over with and be somewhat normal again.
After all that, I leave you with these precious words of Isaiah:
Lord God, I revel in Your promise that You will go before me and make the rough places smooth; You will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars.
And You will give me the treasures of darkness, the hidden wealth of secret places, in order that I may know that it is You, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls me by my name. (Isa.43:2-3)
My Lord, You are a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you (Ps. 9:9-10). Lord go forth with me and hold my hand, I know you call me by name, I hear you!
God is good--------------all the time! susan
Yesterday was crazy getting the ecocardiogram at the hospital. I just know one thing, I am so glad I did not have surgery it that hospital cause things are so crazy with all of the construction. First we went to the wrong side of the hospital and had to find our way to the front. Waited in line to get to the valet parking and the lady informed us she could not park our car because the inspection sticker was out of date (way to go hubby, he has been a little busy though). Of course being the kept woman that I am, I had no idea that that was the case. Anyway we proceded to the parking lot across from the hospital and tried to find a parking place in the tiny spaces provided. Found one, got the wheelchair out of the car and began to off road toward the hospital. The curb cuts were from Bible times and are crumbling and the cracks in the sidewalk and road are big enough to fall into. Melissia was afraid she was going to dump me in the road (I was too), so she was scared and of course we got tickled and began to laugh in our fear of an accident. A sweet man waiting at the bus stop yelled "wait lady and let me help you, you are scareing me". Anyway he took me across the street and we proceded up a long ramp into the hospital. We finally found the temporary admissions desk and the lady handed us one of those vibrater things like they have in restaurants and said I will get to you "shortly". Went to find a place to sit since there is no waiting room in all the construction and found two empty chairs by the window and as Melissia began to sit down this janitor man rolled up his cart and while Melissia's hand was on the chair he picked it up and said these chairs don't belong here and proceded to take both of them and put them on his cart and roll off as he muttered "I wonder who left those there". We of course got histerical because that was the funniest thing ever and finally found chairs in the snack area. So far this had been a trip fit for America's Funniest Videos. Finally our vibrater rattled and I had to fill out tons of paper work to be admitted to the hospital. They finally came for me and we were taken up to the fourth floor to the cardiac unit, where we were placed in a room, handed a gown and said wait for the eco man. He came in and explained the procedure and put that cold slimy gook on my bosoms that weren't there and did a sonogram of my heart. When he got to the bottom and had to move the towel he had over me, he slung it up to get under it and it hit me right in the face, towel. slimy gook and all. Now I have slime all over my face and am trying with everything in me not to roll off the bed with laughter. The eco took all of 10 min. after 1 hr. and 15 min. wait to get in. We proceeded out of that crazy hospital and off roaded back to the parking lot passed the lady who wouldn't park our car and stood there eating her T n T donuts in the shade. What a trip. I had my surgery in the best hospital in Dallas and was glad it was not in good ol' Midland Memorial Hospital. Sure made for a good story and a great day of laughter!
Meanwhile I prepare for Chemo to start at 1:00 Monday afternoon after my blood work and some training. I will be so glad when that first treatment is behind so I can at least quit speculating what it will be like. I do know though that every treatment might be different, I am just ready to get it over with and be somewhat normal again.
After all that, I leave you with these precious words of Isaiah:
Lord God, I revel in Your promise that You will go before me and make the rough places smooth; You will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars.
And You will give me the treasures of darkness, the hidden wealth of secret places, in order that I may know that it is You, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls me by my name. (Isa.43:2-3)
My Lord, You are a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you (Ps. 9:9-10). Lord go forth with me and hold my hand, I know you call me by name, I hear you!
God is good--------------all the time! susan
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Let's roll
Today was the day to see the oncologist, Dr. Carr. She was great and was so helpful with good information. Best of all she is as anxious to get this started as I am (maybe not as anxious but she is ready to roll).
I will have an ecocardiogram on Friday just as a precaution. Apparently the first round of chemo can have adverse effect on the heart sometimes but only in a very small number of patients. She just wants to get a base line and be sure the old ticker is normal. Shouldn't be any problem.
Then on Monday morning I have chemo class to learn everything they will do and where everything is. Then at 1:00 in the afternoon I will have my first treatment.
I am just glad we are getting everything moving so we can be done with it. Also the unknown is always scarier than what actually happens and I need peace in that area.
I am calling on God's "peace like a river" to cover me and I am confident He will. He has never failed me in the past and I am confident that He will not this time. He always delivers us in whatever storms He chooses to let us pass through. I am ready to be delivered to the other side and see what is over on the other side of this mountain.
I choose to face this with every ounce of energy and strength that God has given me and I pray that that strength will increase with every bump in the road.
So, on goes the journey, bumps and all. I pray for the roads to be straightened, Lord. This time you may have to carry me!
God is good-------------all the time! susan
I will have an ecocardiogram on Friday just as a precaution. Apparently the first round of chemo can have adverse effect on the heart sometimes but only in a very small number of patients. She just wants to get a base line and be sure the old ticker is normal. Shouldn't be any problem.
Then on Monday morning I have chemo class to learn everything they will do and where everything is. Then at 1:00 in the afternoon I will have my first treatment.
I am just glad we are getting everything moving so we can be done with it. Also the unknown is always scarier than what actually happens and I need peace in that area.
I am calling on God's "peace like a river" to cover me and I am confident He will. He has never failed me in the past and I am confident that He will not this time. He always delivers us in whatever storms He chooses to let us pass through. I am ready to be delivered to the other side and see what is over on the other side of this mountain.
I choose to face this with every ounce of energy and strength that God has given me and I pray that that strength will increase with every bump in the road.
So, on goes the journey, bumps and all. I pray for the roads to be straightened, Lord. This time you may have to carry me!
God is good-------------all the time! susan
Monday, August 2, 2010
Up jumped the Devil!
Yesterday seemed to be one of those days when Satan gave me his undivided attention as I was so weepy and I guess self absorbed even though I fought it all day. I was glad to see bed time and knew that today would be a new day. Today is a new day and a beautiful one it is, glorious sunshine even though it is as hot as heck but it is still glorious. Isn't it wonderful how you can have a bad day and just know that you can start all over tomorrow and not have to feel guilty or look back, just enjoy the day that the Lord has made. Praises for that!
Was so good to see everyone at church yesterday and even when I am weepy all my friends love me still, just like Jesus does. Pray that I can always remember that when other people need my love even when they are not particularly lovely to be around, as I am sure I wasn't, I will graciously give it to them. I am a little short on mercy for others, maybe God has that lesson for me as well as a few hundred more I am beginning to realize. I guess I am a slow learner seems some things He must teach me over and over. I pray for a bigger brain and I will pay closer attention this time.
Have to share this scripture as it really spoke to me on this journey;
Father I joyfully celebrate the fact that one day, at the time of Your appearing, You will make my enemy like a fiery furnace. In Your wrath You will swallow him up, and Your fire will consume him. (Ps.21:9)
Lord God, I will shout for joy when You make me victorious, and I will lift up a banner in the name of my God! Please, Lord, grant those requests. (Ps. 20:5)
This is my prayer-victory in Jesus!
God is good-----------all the time! susan
Was so good to see everyone at church yesterday and even when I am weepy all my friends love me still, just like Jesus does. Pray that I can always remember that when other people need my love even when they are not particularly lovely to be around, as I am sure I wasn't, I will graciously give it to them. I am a little short on mercy for others, maybe God has that lesson for me as well as a few hundred more I am beginning to realize. I guess I am a slow learner seems some things He must teach me over and over. I pray for a bigger brain and I will pay closer attention this time.
Have to share this scripture as it really spoke to me on this journey;
Father I joyfully celebrate the fact that one day, at the time of Your appearing, You will make my enemy like a fiery furnace. In Your wrath You will swallow him up, and Your fire will consume him. (Ps.21:9)
Lord God, I will shout for joy when You make me victorious, and I will lift up a banner in the name of my God! Please, Lord, grant those requests. (Ps. 20:5)
This is my prayer-victory in Jesus!
God is good-----------all the time! susan
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