Countdown until Friday----three more days

As the day approches for the surgery I continue to turn more inward and to the Lord for strength and calmness-some days are hard.
God You are my refuge and strength, an every-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Ps. 46:1-2, 10-11)
I commit my way to You, Lord. I trust in You and You will do this; You will make my righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of my cause like the noonday sun (Ps. 37:5-6)
May all be for your glory Lord.
God is good----------all the time! susan

My favorite day---------Sunday

Glorious day at our beloved Crestview yesterday. So many well wishers and prayers for our family as we set out on this journey on Friday. Such a comfort! Also had the Lord's Supper and I couldn't help but think how fitting to share with my Jesus His supper on this Sunday before the surgery-how I love that sacriment.
Had dinner with a special friend who has been through this several years ago, Sherry Thomas. She had so many great tips and brought a wonderful basket full of things to help through the surgery and treatment. I hope I too can be the inspiritation she is when I am on the other side of this journey. Thanks Sherry! Unless you have been here you never realize how much each suggestion, card, word of encouragement, hug, and basket full of goodies means. It is so humbling and special. Christian friends are the best and God uses them in ways we never even imagine.
As each day draws closer to the surgery God continues to show His glory in wonderful ways. The sunsets become more beautiful, sunrises are brighter, the rain (yes, we had rain in West Texas last night) smells sweeter, the green of the trees even seems brighter, and of course the love of friends becomes more apparent. Finally the closeness of family and the love they pour on me daily is even more special than the days before. Especially my sweet Wes as he continues to make the days calmer and full of love-he is the best and a rock! Thank you God for this man you have allowed me to share my life with.
I continue to ready my self for the days ahead and can't help but be anxious about what the days will hold. I vow to look to my Jesus for strength, courage and an outlook that whatever lies ahead is not too big for me and Him together. "Therefore, what you are commanding me today is not too difficult for me or beyond my reach." (Deut. 30:11) He will strengthen me!
God is good--------------all the time! susan

Home again Home again jiggady jog

We got home from Dallas last night about 9:00 and were so ready to sleep and restore our bodies from all the medical knowledge we are acquiring.
Met with surgeons nurse that tells you all about surgery and what to expect. She is a breast cancer survivor so can give hints as to what will be coming. Pray that the limp nodes will not be numerous as that will of course interfer with my mobility and use of arm for a while. Nothing I can't overcome but I am sure it will slow me down for a while and quite honestly I don't have time to slow down. She was so positive and helpful. Some volunteers in the area make heart pillows for all the breast cancer patients to use while you heal, goes over the breast area to cushion against bumps and seat belts-so cute and a great idea. Again I feel loved by total strangers!
The nurse also told me I could wear no makeup and no jewelry and no contacts for the surgery. That I certainly did not want to hear. Yes, vain I am and vain I shall remain! I must wear my eyebrows and mascara. I don't know what those doctors think a girl is suppose to do if she can't be beautiful for surgery and of course for the visitors afterwards!
I did all pre-op at the hospital. The hospital is beautiful. Small and all private rooms. They cater in the meals and will even feed my sweet Wes. The staff was wonderful and so attentive-I feel so blessed to have surgery there. I will check in at 6:45 on Friday, July 2 (with eyebrows and mascara of course), surgery at 8:30 and will probably stay until Sunday if all goes well. They even said I could come back to Midland immediately if I wanted to, but we will hang around for a couple of days. Got the lesson on drain tubes and all of that good stuff. Stay tuned for discussion on that as I learn how to empty them and measure the contents. Gross I know, but all I know is that my goal is to get to 30cc soon so that I can get those suckers out and get on with the process.
Went back to work today and it felt so good to have a normal day with all great friends and my sweet customers who I will miss for a while. I am so blessed with a great place to work and wonderful customers who have such positive things to say and will be lifting me in prayers as well.
The mail was full of cards and well wishes for a speedy recovery, funny how we take those things for granted so much until we are on the receiving end and realize each one means so much and will be read more than once. So many beautiful people God has blessed me with and I am grateful for each one.
I close this day with a very humbling feeling and a prayer for strength for the days ahead. Let me be the warrior He has raised me to be, to fight a war with an unseen foe. I will be victorious and will live to fight another day. Lord you are my guide and I long for you to be able to say, well done my good and faithful servant!
God is good---------all the time! susan

News from scans

Surgeons office called this morning to give me reports. Weird listening to everything they showed about every spot in my body. Most was nothing I didn't know and nothing to be concerned about. She did say limp nodes on the right side (not the breast with the spot) were swollen and that Dr. Brian would look at them. She said it could be nothing but good to know that they can spot things like that. I am not gonna lie it did make me suck air a bit to think "the invader" could have done something weird and skipped over there. I vow to take one day at a time and cross that bridge when we get to it. Thankful for the decision to take both breasts!
We are off to Dallas today to have an appointment with the hospital for pre-op tomorrow and with the surgeons patient laison to walk us through procedures. So many appointments and so much information. So thankful for the doctors that they want us to understand everything.
I am so thankful for all the comments on the blog and so many prayers from people I don't even know but we are "kinsmen through our Jesus". I have never felt so loved and blessed in all my life and humbled beyond words. I love each of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today has been a little rough, probably because I think my body is tired and I am longing for "normal" already. Something tells me I won't see that for a very long time. This journey seems further than what I can imagine but I know who carries me and I know He is strong when I feel so weak and helpless! Praise God for that.
"Reach down for me from on high, my God and Redeemer, and take hold of me. Draw me out of deep waters. Remove me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who are strong for me! My enemy has confronted me on the day of my disaster, but you Lord are my support! Bring me to a spacious place, rescue me, for you delight in me." (Psalm 18:16-19) Amen and Amen
God is good--------all the time! susan

Incredible Pep Rally

What a night we had last night. Some of the ladies from my beloved Crestview got together and threw a "Pep Rally" for me last night at Alta Lynn's house (she is Miss Hospitality of the world). They really did it up right and it was a blast. They had pink megaphones with fuzzy boas on them that said "Team Susan", there were inspirational signs all over the walls, flags on the food and gifts that said "Team Susan", some even had pink t-shirts that had "Team Susan" embroided on them, and of course loads of food.
They had all decided to put together a necklace for me with Brighton charms so they each had gone to Merle Norman, where I work, and picked out charms of their choice and gave them to me all seperately. At the end of the night the necklace was almost full and of course beautiful. Each charm will remind me of that sweet friend who took the time to pick out something very special. I also received other gifts such as journals, cards, money, notes, even special items to make treatment easier when the time comes. What a special time we all had, many tears, laughter, and celebration of friendship.
I was once again humbled by the outpouring of love just for me. What another gift from God as He continues to show me about His "crazy love" for His children. I don't know how people go through these storms without Him to carry them. Thanks to all you ladies who had a huge part in making last night so special-I truely felt loved by all.
Today was a day of tests at the hospital. Up at 5:00 and at the hospital by 7:30 for CT scan, bone scan and two seperate blood tests. Thought would be a breeze and it was except I am bone tired and still have a bunch to do. By the way that die they run through you really does make you feel like you have tee-teed on yourself-had to look and feel to make sure I didn't!
God is good though and we are still making progress. Surgery is set for July 2 in Dallas. Post op this Thursday. My head is still swimming but feel peaceful.
Thanks for all the encouragement and love--------Keep praying! God is good--all the time! susan

Surprise-----------Pink Bracelets for all

Today was an amazing day at our home church, Crestview Baptist. Wes and I teach 11th graders and the youth area is always full of loudness, laughter, and love. The kids came into the room and Wes began the lesson, I looked down and on his wrist was a pink breast cancer bracelet. I thought "nice someone gave him a bracelet, I must remember to ask who it was". After we taught a little longer I suddenly realized that every kid in that class had one of those bracelets. SURPRISE! My sweet husband and kids had ordered the bracelets that said Pray for Susan and had my life verse on them 2nd Cor. 12:9. How humbled I was to see them being passed out at church and people asking for them. What an amazing flood of love washed over me and I truely felt covered by His love and mercy. Thank you family! What a special surprise.
The whole service seemed to be taylor made for me as the band began praise and worship. Tears came but that was okay because I got to praise my Jesus in the comfort of my Crestview with the Crestview family hugging and promising their thoughts and prayers our way.
Like I will alway say, "God is good...........all the time."
Oh and happy Father's Day to the most wonderful father in the world. How blessed our children are. I love you!

CRUTCHES, WHEELS...WOOPS A LUMP IN THE ROAD!

This will be my first post so it will be long with lots of information to catch everyone up and then maybe I can be diligent about keeping everyone abreast (no pun intended) on updates.
Sunday June 6 found me in my usual spot on the bed reading the Sunday paper with my wonderful husband sleeping in the living room. I had a need to scratch my left breast and as I did I felt a considerably large lump. Of course I reached to see if there was a matching lump on the right side because maybe that was supposed to be there. Funny I knew better as I had done self exams many times before. No lump on the right side, felt again on the left, yep it was still there and felt scarry. Really wasn't too concerned but then of course my mind began to race and I remembered my Mom had found her lump at exactly my age, 59.
By this time Wes had gotten up and was getting ready to go to church for band practice. I mentioned it to him and of course he recommend I get it checked out (of course I had thought of that already but he confirmed)
Monday morning I began to call Dr. Maddens office and the ball began to roll. This is when I realized that God was definitely at the helm of this ship because the ball rolled very fast which was very uncommon for Midland. I was in the Drs. office by 2:00 that afternoon and a mammography and sonogram were scheduled for Thurs. afternoon. The Dr. confirmed that yes I wasn't crazy and yes there was a rather large lump in my left breast and it had not disappeared overnight.
In my anxiousness I called my dear nurse friend Laurie Fitzgerald and wanted to know what questions to ask and to help me not feel so unprepared. Laurie volunteered to give me a "practice sonogram" on Wed. morning. Melissia and I met her at the college Wednesday morning and Laurie began her work. Started off fairly positive but as she began to move around the lump it very much took on a life all its own. Seems everything the lump was not suppose to be it was. Laurie volunteered to go the the imaging center and "line up" her friends to take care of me.
On Thursday morning Wes, Melissia and I went in for the mammogram and sonogram. Everyone was wonderful and helpful. The mammogram showed the lump in all its glory very clearly and the sonogram did as well. Withing minutes of my sonogram the girls went to bring Dr. Edwards in the read the films and talk to us. He confirmed what Laurie had feared and did a great job explaining things to come. God went ahead again and cancelled two appointments so that Dr. Edwards could do the biopsy right then. Preped, on the table, and he requested that I put my arm over my head and hold very still while he took 4 pieces of the tumor out with a "gun". I wasn't scared of the pain of the needle but did wonder how the heck I was suppose to keep my arm in that position since it did not do that anymore because it was worn out after walking on crutches for 57 years. It was at that moment I fell on my face before my God and said you hold this arm God because I can't. I pretty much have been on my face since that moment as I watched Him take over and my arm never hurt and I was very still just as the Dr. ordered.
The biopsy was confirmed and Dr. Madden called to tell me the diagnosis of breast cancer. As I have said many times in my life, "I thought I would vomit, but I didn't". My mind began to roll with many questions, anxiousness, inconveniences, and of course (as my personality) a plan of action----forward through the fog!
On the Thursday I had called my children to share the news, Weslee and Marshall were at the church in Colleyville and of course were upset and very afraid. The pastors wife ran to get a woman in the church who was a 7 year cancer survivor, Karen Osbourne. Turns out her husband is a prominent cardilogist in Dallas and had found the "best surgeon and oncologist" in the area. Dr. Mary Brian,who is a surgeon and Dr. Heidi Jordan, who is the oncologist. Both practices are faith based and neither are embarresed to tell of God's healing power. Karen answered so many questions for the kids and volunteered to send us information about the Drs. and meet with us to answer any questions we might have.
I called both Drs. on Monday morning and by that afternoon I had an appointment with Dr. Brian on Tuesday and with Dr. Jordan on Friday. Once again, God continued to push things through the medical system.
Meanwhile Weslee and our beautiful granddaughter Shiloh had come in to surprise us and it was a very welcomed distraction.
All day Monday was spent gathering medical records and film of the mammogram and biopsy reports to carry to the Drs. in Dallas.
Tuesday morning began our journey to Dallas and a long week of drs. and life changing decisions and information.
Met with surgeon on Tuesday afternoon and she explained that the mass was a very typical type of breast cancer developing in the milk ducts and forming a mass close by. Very fast growing but that kind responds well to treatment. She was very concerned about breast reconstruction and recommended I meet with the plastic surgeon and talk with a genetic counsler about the gene for breast cancer.
Wednesday we met with plastic surgeon and he convinced me with telling me the involvement of breast reconstruction that crutches and building boobs DO NOT MIX. I would have to be off my crutches for two weeks and would require 4 additional surgeries besides the initial breast removal. I am not attached to these boobs and am not opposed to wearing breast prosthesis after the surgery. No one but Wes will know and of course the other 100's of people who will read this blog. If anyone decides to announce this you will have to deal with me and if you are a friend you know that sometimes that's not fun! However, all punishment will be carried out with the love of Jesus.
The genetic counceling was very informative but not for me because I did not meet requirements and because of that it would have been out of pocket, $3300. The Dr. recommended I not do it. We of course were appreciative.
Next stop was today with the oncologist and perhaps was the most informative! The girls went with Wes and I and believe me it took all of us to understand and comprehend all the information. Dr. Jordan was wonderful as were all the drs. here. She explained about a lumpectomy vs. a bilateral mastectomy (both boobs removed). The lumpectomy would require radiation for sure and that would burn me under my arm which would make it difficult for me to use my crutches. She said the mastectomy would not require radiation and it is really pretty simple to remove the breasts and the recovery is not extensive. If the right breast was left I would have about a 12% higher rate of having a reaccurance in it. That was too high for me and my peace of mind would not be there. Long story short, (thats a laugh since this is already an epistle anyway), Dr. Jordan was the deciding factor to go ahead and remove both breasts. She ended the office visit with a prayer for healing and peacefulness. She was incredible and a real gift from God. I feel very peaceful about the decision and so does Wes and the rest of the family.
We will return to Midland tomorrow and Monday I will call and schedule surgery, Tuesday I will have blood tests, CT scan and a bone scan.
All of this to say that my God is good, all the time! He has orchistrated this whole adventure from the beginning and will until the end. He WILL have the victory and will carry me through. I have asked to be used and for Him to teach me what I need to learn from this journey. Our family has already become closer and will travel this journey together arm in arm (arm in crutch if you will). I praise Him every day for our family and our Crestview family, and our Midland friends who have all been wonderful and want to help in every way. I pray that my story will be an inspiration to everyone who hears it and that I may be used for His service and to bring others to Him. I want to be able to say "Thank you Lord for the journey". His strength will be shown in my weekness!