HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Received word from the doctors nurse as to a schedule for go ahead with the transplant plans. My sweet young donor had his physical on Monday and they are awaiting results but she said they do not anticipate any problems so they had drawn up a schedule to let me know so I could go ahead and make plans. Finally, seems we have been trying to get here for a life time. I am scheduled to see Dr. Berryman in Dallas on Monday afternoon, then go into the hospital on Tuesday morning. They will replace my Hickman with a PicLine (those are both devices implanted into a main artery that the meds and chemo can go into). I think they both primarily do the same thing, just different brands. Chemo will start on Wednesday and will continue up until transplant on October 12. The chemo is to kill off all my white counts so that they can be replaced with healthy ones from the donor. His stem cells will take over and be leukemia free and healthy. Praise God for the precious donor who has literally saved my life.
I know there will be many days of sickness and feeling bad but I will not face that alone. Just as in the past, my Jesus will be holding me up and so many friends will be continually praying me through this.
I won't say I am not anxious about this whole process. It is all obviously uncharted territory and therefore my flesh self turns to fear about what will and could happen on this part of the journey. I do know though that the author of fear is not God and I refuse to let Satin feel like he is winning that battle. I will turn my focus on the Lord when those uneasy thoughts enter my mind and remember He is in control and is already paving the way on the other side of this part of the journey.
Again I turn to God's word in Matthew 5:35 "I confess to You that I am overwhelmed by the task ahead but I am thankful that You have authority over all things. Heaven is Your throne; earth is Your footstool" God has authority over this whole transplant process, He picked this donor, He picked this time, place, and doctors and His plan will be carried through to the end. My prayer is that I will be a joy for Him to watch as I travel through this task He has given me in-may He be pleased with me as His child!
"O God, let it be said of me that my faith is growing more and more, and the love I have for others is increasing!" (2 Thess. 1:3. "How I pray that You may count me worthy of Your calling, and that by Your power You may fulfill every good purpose of mine and every act prompted by my faith" (2 Thess. 1:11).
This is my prayer as I begin this part of the journey---"Lord God, I desire that these things will be remembered before You: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thess. 1:3).
I claim the power of your healing Lord, and that you will make me strong during these next few months. Amen and Amen

God is good---------all the time!

THE WAITING GAME

Approval given and now we wait for the call to go to Dallas for the transplant. This is really tough and of course my mind goes all over the place telling me that the leukemia is back and rampant within. Before I was diagnosed the first time I had noticed an itchy rash on my back and random bruises on my body and no explanation for them. I have noticed both of them coming back in the past few days and all those alarms went off especially since I know the outcome from before and that is scary. I have a call in to the transplant doctor in Dallas and have full confidence he will be able to calm my fears. Funny how Satan knows exactly what things will cause us to be fearful and uncomfortable with situations we find ourselves in. I always have told my kids when they were scared, "who is the author of fear?", don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing he planted that seed and watched it sprout---now I give myself the same question and lecture. Don't you hate it when our words of wisdom come back to haunt us!

I have learned that my donor is a male in his 20's and is in the United States. He is in process of getting tests so that he will be cleared for the stem cell draw for me to receive them. Before I can receive the stem cells I will have to have a series of strong chemo to kill off all of my bone marrow cells including the leukemia cells and then we will start from scratch with healthy ones which will hopefully grow in my bone marrow and take over with very healthy ones. It will be a long and involved process of tearing me down and then recovery. My prayer is for strength to be able to deal with whatever is necessary to continue on and be well again. Once again God has carried me this far why would He leave me now.

The unknown is always the hard part and that is where I am now. I have had chemo like this before but the doctors have told me this will be much stronger and side effects harder. Just want to get started and get this all behind me!

I never ceased to be amazed at how daily God sends me to scripture that is comforting. Just as He calmed David as He ran from Saul He uses those same words to calm me as I run from the ravages of leukemia. The Psalms are always a great place to get lost and find my God. In Psalms 36:7-9 we read "O Lord, how priceless is Your unfailing love. Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of Your house. You give them drink from Your river of delights. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."
Again, David asks of the Lord in Psalms 27:4-5 "One thing I ask of You, Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon Your beauty and to seek You in Your temple. For in the day of trouble You will keep me safe in Your dwelling You will hide me in the shelter of Your tabernacle and see me high upon a rock."

God's tabernacle is available to us everyday of our lives and all we have to do is seek that hiding place. There are so many comfortable places in that dwelling and my prayer is to be able to hide in them during the months to come as I undergo the transplant and recovery. I want to be able to go to places other than the transplant where I can see the beauty of my Savior as He holds me tight and carries me through recovery. I know I can trust that rock for safety, comfort and a refuge from the time of troubles that will come. I'm glad I have been in those places before, even if they will be worse this time. He delivered me before and I am confident He will deliver me
once again. As I await transplant I ask for renewed strength, patience, and peace so I will be prepared for whatever lies ahead.

I close by saying to you, please join with me in prayer for my family and me as we continue this journey hand in hand with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ---may He be glorified.

God is good-----------all the time!

Mountain Moved!

Edit to the previously written post. I got a call from the insurance company and God did move that mountain-I HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR TRANSPLANT GO AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Berryman has been contacted and they will press forward with preliminary testing for the perfect donor they had already found. I should be hearing soon with a date.

Praise God for moving the mountain-I know this was a miracle.

Thank you Lord for hearing my cry in the wilderness-the light is truly brightest after the darkness.

God is good---------all the time!

An Enormous Mountain

I know, I haven't been on this blog for over a month. My excuse is that of a roller coaster ride that I wouldn't wish on anyone. We are going on over 60 days of fighting with the insurance company to okay the transplant so the donor can be contacted again to complete the tests for transplant. I still can't believe there is a near perfect donor sitting on the other end of this and Baylor can't go with it because the people at the insurance are arguing over the way the medical reports were written. I have been through all the tests requested and passed with above average results yet we still can't seem to satisfy that illusive "medical expert" that they seem to keep throwing in our faces. I could go on for pages and pages but the fact still remains we still have not been approved and this insurance giant has way too much power and are trying to play god with my life. Somehow they seem to believe they know more than 6 doctors who have given me the all clear. All I can say is that this is the most frustrating thing I have ever faced in my entire life. It is time for me to go back in the hospital for more chemo so time is of the essence otherwise everything will be thrown off for at least 30 more days. If that happens Christmas would find me in the hospital and that does not sound fun.

I would love to say I have learned some deep spiritual truth in all this mess but I feel so helpless and much of the hope I had for cure has slipped away. I am still very sure of my hope in Jesus Christ but my hope in insurance companies is about as low as you can get. This wait has taken on a life of its own and is bigger than life itself. I have heard of situations like this but never did I realize how real it was and how helpless one could feel.

Facing the giants comes to mind as I look back over the past few months. I know that was football but this is a mountain that has been placed between me and recovery. We haven't been able to go around it, through it, over it, or under it. Seems we just sit on this side and try to climb it and find ourselves slipping back over and over again. We have addressed the same issue over and over again and they find something else to stop the process. The roller coaster continues to pull up the mountain and speeds ahead faster than life and then slows to a snails pace and often has completely stopped and we have absolutely no control. For the first time in this journey I must admit I have felt true discouragement and wondered if transplant would ever happen. I have also ask God why is this happening and to help me understand the time table. Nothing has made any sense to me or the doctors at Baylor or here. I have found myself literally begging for the phone to ring and the person on the other end to say come to Dallas, all is in place. I have received no clear answer from God and He has continued to hold me up but I must admit my peace has faltered and I have felt empty and alone in the process even though many have fought with me. The many phone conversations I have had with the powers that be seem to have fallen on deaf ears and they seem to be more interested in holding that power and delaying my chance at a healthy life.

As I literally fight for my life, I must keep reminding myself that God loves me more than anyone else on this earth and that He fights for my life even harder than I or anyone else has ever fought. It is so difficult to sit helplessly at home while someone else looks at a piece of paper and decides your fate. God knows what the end of this journey will be. I pray He will prepare me daily for the outcome even if it is not what I want it to be. I also pray that I will feel closer to Him and not this feeling of aloneness I have had hanging over me the past few weeks.

Again I turn to the scripture for the peace I so desperately need----------
Psalm 34:18 says, You, Lord, are close to the brokenhearted and saw those who are crushed in spirit.
Romans 8:38-39 says, You are surely so close to me, Lord. Help me to sense Your presence in my life, I need You more than I need the next breath. I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from Your love. O God, that is in Christ Jesus my Lord.

I remember the childhood song that we all know and have passed on to our children and I claim it---Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so------even when we don't feel it we KNOW it is true and that I am remembering every second of every day.

God is good-------------all the time!