Last Monday the doctor removed my port and I am officially through with the treatments for this cancer that was a short detour in my life. What a detour it was though but I can honestly say it is amazing to see the footprints of the Lord written all over it.
I am sitting in this quiet house right now after a wonderful Thanksgiving day vacation and reflecting on all I truly have to be thankful for. This holiday season will really have a special meaning because of the journey I have taken since June when I found the cancer.
My house is decorated for the holidays (of course after much gritching and moaning from the husband and especially the son because of all the stuff strewn all over and me cracking the whip to get it all done). Actually they were pretty good sports and helped, especially in the attic. Melissia really worked hard to get it all done because that's what "mom" wants-working no playing! Weslee and her family were at the in-laws (she gets to help put all this stuff up) but we get them at Christmas and that is wonderful. Can't wait to see Shiloh get into everything. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful bunch of kiddos!
As we go into the holiday season I have to say gifts don't seem nearly as important although I love buying for the family. Our gift was my health and I think they would all agree. I am just so thankful to be here and able to share in all the festivities and have my health coming back in time to enjoy everyone. I know that it is much more important to be here sharing than it is to have everything perfect for everyone. God has taught me so much as I have stated a thousand times before. I promise just to sit Christmas morning and watch and soak up all the love and beautiful pictures that I am so glad to be a part of.
The removal of the port left a scar on my chest but it will always serve as a reminder of the year that God took me on the journey of a lifetime. I truly praise Him for all the lessons.
Speaking of journeys the love of my life, Wes, and I have been married 33 wonderful years as of yesterday. He was such a rock during these past few months and I love him more and more with each passing day. He was given just to me by a merciful God and I thank Him so. Happy anniversary Wes, I love you!
I close with this scripture, "Praise You, my God! Let the sound of Your praise be heard; You have preserved my life and kept my feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested me; You refined me like silver" (Ps. 66:8-10) I pray that I have been found worthy. I give you praise and thank you for the test!
God is good-------------all the time! susan
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Praises!
Yesterday was another doctors appointment to check blood levels and see where we go from here. PRAISES-they are coming up on their own; slowly but responding. I didn't have to do any further shots or transfusions so everything seems to be working like it is suppose to and hasn't been damaged permanently. I can't even tell you what a relief that is to know that the bone marrow is responding. My mind had gone all over the place with what ifs if it didn't respond and start up again. God is definitely good and puts all the pieces together and they always fit perfectly!
Funny, yesterday as I heard the doctor say I didn't have to come back for a month and then only for counts I didn't really even know what to feel or how to react. The appointments have become a part of my life and the anticipation of what I would face with each one was a part of that. I seemed to be quiet numb and in a fog. But, alas, as I woke up this morning I am so excited I can hardly hold it in as I realize this part of the journey is over and I can begin to move on with a new journey, one of healing and building strength again. I think my daughter, Weslee said it best when she said "Mom do you look back and say, did that just really happen?" It seemed everything just happened so fast and all the bad memories, pain, sickness, and uncertainty are pushed so far back that I don't even remember them anymore. Again, part of God's plan I am sure. I am to remember the good family times, good friends, love given and taken, new adventures, laughter and lessons taught and learned. That is what I will carry with me through the months and years to come as I look back and answer the question as to whether that happened or not!
Monday I will go to have my port taken out; I will not miss that little friend. The final step in the close of the chemo chapter of the cancer journey. It served its purpose and the scar will remind me of how much easier that made it for the treatments. I bare it proudly and with thankfulness as a reminder.
I have to close with the opening to Beth Moore's devotional yesterday-she said it best, "perhaps the most profound miracle of all is living through something we thought would kills us." God and I did and it didn't! Father help me to be confident of this that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6).
God is good---------------all the time! susan
Funny, yesterday as I heard the doctor say I didn't have to come back for a month and then only for counts I didn't really even know what to feel or how to react. The appointments have become a part of my life and the anticipation of what I would face with each one was a part of that. I seemed to be quiet numb and in a fog. But, alas, as I woke up this morning I am so excited I can hardly hold it in as I realize this part of the journey is over and I can begin to move on with a new journey, one of healing and building strength again. I think my daughter, Weslee said it best when she said "Mom do you look back and say, did that just really happen?" It seemed everything just happened so fast and all the bad memories, pain, sickness, and uncertainty are pushed so far back that I don't even remember them anymore. Again, part of God's plan I am sure. I am to remember the good family times, good friends, love given and taken, new adventures, laughter and lessons taught and learned. That is what I will carry with me through the months and years to come as I look back and answer the question as to whether that happened or not!
Monday I will go to have my port taken out; I will not miss that little friend. The final step in the close of the chemo chapter of the cancer journey. It served its purpose and the scar will remind me of how much easier that made it for the treatments. I bare it proudly and with thankfulness as a reminder.
I have to close with the opening to Beth Moore's devotional yesterday-she said it best, "perhaps the most profound miracle of all is living through something we thought would kills us." God and I did and it didn't! Father help me to be confident of this that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6).
God is good---------------all the time! susan
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Chemo is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went for blood work and chemo yesterday and my blood counts had bottomed out again. Dr. said they were lower than before, red, white, platelets, all of them. Just my body saying it has had enough and she said so as well. She is not willing to risk permanent damage to the bone marrow by trying to finish the last two treatments and I so agree with her. We will go back on Tuesdays for a while for blood counts until they come back up. She suggested we may have to do some more shots and another transfusion in order to get everything working again. I am not gonna lie, I am concerned because they fell again so drastically but I do realize that, again, God is in control and He will put them where they need to be. My prayer is that I don't have a recurrence of the cancer because my bone marrow is not tolerating the treatment well anymore and that makes it hard to treat. Each day I must remind myself that God still carries me and that He knew that this was the outcome before it happened so He will orchestrate the future and I need to let it go! It always takes me a few days to sort through things when changes have to be made. I am so glad that this is in His hands and I can Let It Go! Which I shall.
I am excited about the fact that my body can now get on with the task of recovery and renewal of every inch that has been touched by the chemo. The next few months will be exciting as everyday is on the path to strength and recovery. Yippee! As I said before I never want to forget where this path has taken me because I have learned so much and my desire is to continue to learn and grow in the Lord. What a lesson and oh what a journey! Now on to a new chapter-thank you Lord for lessons learned, new friends, and a closer walk with you.
"My faithful God, I thank You for the grace, mercy, and peace from You the Father and from Jesus Christ, Your Son, that is with me in truth and love." (2 John 3)
God is good--------------all the time! susan
I am excited about the fact that my body can now get on with the task of recovery and renewal of every inch that has been touched by the chemo. The next few months will be exciting as everyday is on the path to strength and recovery. Yippee! As I said before I never want to forget where this path has taken me because I have learned so much and my desire is to continue to learn and grow in the Lord. What a lesson and oh what a journey! Now on to a new chapter-thank you Lord for lessons learned, new friends, and a closer walk with you.
"My faithful God, I thank You for the grace, mercy, and peace from You the Father and from Jesus Christ, Your Son, that is with me in truth and love." (2 John 3)
God is good--------------all the time! susan
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Countdown begins again
Well, my white blood counts were back up and strong so I was able to have chemo on Tuesday. My how fast we forget how bad that stuff makes you feel. I actually felt like a human again, but was reminded on Thursday how it knocks you down and then rolls over you. This round of chemo is so different than the first medicines they gave me. You feel nothing for the first two days and then wake up on the third day and hit a brick wall. Such soreness and fatigue and for some reason it affects my digestion (as does everything else these days-think it could be my age?). But good news that only lasts for about 3 days and on the Lord's Day I feel good again. Praises for that! The really good news is that I only have TWO more of these treatments to go and I am so through!!!!!!!!!!! As I look back I still am in amazement at how it has gone and hasn't been nearly as bad as it could have been. Sorta like having a baby, how soon we forget the discomfort and I am sure that is in the Lord's plan as well.
Our preacher is doing a sermon series on spiritual warfare and today talked about angels and how they were all around us and were God's messengers and our protectors. I had to chuckle and thought how amazing it would have been to see God's angels as they were put in motion as my cancer was found. I look back and am amazed at how paths were cleared and things were set in motion so quickly and of course how I have been able to handle this whole process with the grace God has so graciously covered me with. I know those little angels tongues are hanging out and they will be glad when this process is over so they can get some rest from me. They have certainly worked overtime and done a superb job. Thank you my Father for covering me! But then I knew you would-we just need to be reminded sometime-boy have I been reminded!
This scripture is so appropriate for these days-"Father, by faith in the name of Jesus, make me strong. Help me to realize that it is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through Him that heal me." (Acts 3-16) I pray Lord that I will never forget how it has felt to have You by my side in this journey, keep that memory forever fresh in my mind.
God is good---------------all the time! susan
Our preacher is doing a sermon series on spiritual warfare and today talked about angels and how they were all around us and were God's messengers and our protectors. I had to chuckle and thought how amazing it would have been to see God's angels as they were put in motion as my cancer was found. I look back and am amazed at how paths were cleared and things were set in motion so quickly and of course how I have been able to handle this whole process with the grace God has so graciously covered me with. I know those little angels tongues are hanging out and they will be glad when this process is over so they can get some rest from me. They have certainly worked overtime and done a superb job. Thank you my Father for covering me! But then I knew you would-we just need to be reminded sometime-boy have I been reminded!
This scripture is so appropriate for these days-"Father, by faith in the name of Jesus, make me strong. Help me to realize that it is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through Him that heal me." (Acts 3-16) I pray Lord that I will never forget how it has felt to have You by my side in this journey, keep that memory forever fresh in my mind.
God is good---------------all the time! susan
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