Sometimes it hurts to be a beautiful cripple!

Welcome to my life. I was diagnosed with polio when I was 15 months old but have had an absolutely wonderful and full life. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, Wes and three beautiful children-Melissia married to Josh, Weslee married to Zach, and Marshall who will be married someday to someone just as fabulous. Weslee and Zach have presented us with the most beautiful and smartest grandchild in the entire world, Shiloh Celeste.
On Sunday afternoon, June 6, 2010 my world suddenly hit a brick wall when I found a lump in my breast. Life changing doesn't even begin to describe where my life would go next.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

So Much to be Thankful for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day it will be---Thanksgiving this year will be filled with so much to be thankful for. The last few weeks have been filled with blessings from my Jesus and just the fact I am here to celebrate is enough. On top of that I am feeling great and improving everyday and get to be with my brother and his family. Two months ago I would have never dreamed I would be able to even enjoy being alive and aware of all the undeserved blessings.

My girls are both with their in-laws but that is okay because we get to have them for Christmas. Woohoo. What a Christmas that will be since we have TWO grandbabies on the way. Sabastian Outlaw will be born to Melissia and Josh in January and Zeela Lynn will be born to Weslee and Zach in March. Can you even imagine what next Christmas will be like. Of course this Christmas will be filled with "princess" surprises for our precious Shiloh. Can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Our Marshall will be with us for Thanksgiving and we are so thankful for that. We will leave for Tyler earlier in the morning. Then let the praising begin!

I had a doctor visit on this past Monday and everything looked great still. I don't have to go back until next Monday and then Dr. Berryman said if all is well, home to Midland! So excited to return to family and friends, and especially to my own home. Somehow thought this day would never come. It seems so long ago since I left and of course we have been through so much since then. The worst of the transplant is over and now we just watch for rejection or infection. We are praying God will protect from those so that all goes well. I see Dr. Berryman the following Thursday as he will come for clinical visits that day. That in itself is a blessing that was set up before I even needed it. Isn't God great!

Thanksgiving takes on a whole new meaning in my life now. It's not just a sweet little holiday tucked between Halloween and Christmas but one to truly give thanks for what God has handed me and us as a family. Praises I am here for the holiday, out of the hospital, not nauseated, eating and not hooked up to an IV. Most of all I am in remission with no signs of leukemia or any other kind of cancer. Six months ago the future looked bleak with little hope of that. What a journey it has been, not all wonderful but what God has done with it has been another miracle in my life. I find it hard to even put into words what I am feeling but I can say that life is so much sweeter, the days are brighter, the nights calmer, the wind feels good on my skin, my family is more special, my husband I love even more and above all my God is greater! Praise Him for the journey and all the blessings it brought.

O God, help me always to be thankful that I am loved by You, because from the beginning You chose me to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth (2 Thess. 2:13)
You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful! (Jer. 31:3-4)

Lord, I am so ready to pick up that tambourine and dance with joy. I couldn't be more joyful and that makes the holidays more special than ever! Thank You, thank You for the chance to dance once again. I pray that I never miss that dance. Amen

God is good-----------all the time!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Praises for the Miracle

Yesterday the visit to the doctor was such wonderful news that I have waited to hear since the beginning of this journey---"total remission and no signs of cancer". Dr. Barryman was so excited to bring me the news and those words were more beautiful than any I had heard for so long. Of course, if you know me you won't be surprised, I totally fell apart because I was so happy. We all hugged including the doctor, he is so wonderful about being involved with his patience and for that I am so grateful. I just said praise Jesus and so did Dr. Barryman. During this whole process he has been so wonderful to be up front with his faith and give God the credit for each milestone of the transplant.
I go back to the clinic on Friday and if all is well we will go to my brothers home in Tyler for Thanksgiving then back here to clinic on Monday and if all is the same home to Midland. I can't tell you how excited I am to be back home with family and friends in familiar surroundings. Celebrating the holiday season this year will be a little more special and so sweet. Praise you Jesus for bringing us through this!
These verses tell you how I feel about being at the end of this part of my journey.
Ps 66:8-10 Praise You, my God! Let the sound of Your praise be heard. You have preserved my life and kept my feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested me; You refined me like silver.
Jer. 31:3-4 You, O Lord, love me with an everlasting love; You have drawn me with loving kindness. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. I will take up my tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful!
Finally in Ps. 31:7-8 I will be glad ad rejoice in Your love, O God, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Hallelujah! Praise you my sweet Jesus!

God is good-----all the time!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Day 32-woohoo

Yes it has been so long since I have been on line and so much has happened since then. Good days now but I went through many that were the worst of my life I must admit Many days of nausea that were uncontrollable and mouth sores that I swore would never go away and that were from my mouth through my body and out the bottom. diarrhea that seemed never ending and food was my worst enemy ever. I think I went for about 6 weeks without food and they finally put me on IV nutrition which made my blood sugar go up and I had to have insulin shots. Other medicine made my blood pressure elevate and I had to have a patch. Finally found a medication to control nausea that gave me unbelievable nightmares that were very disturbing but did keep me from throwing up. Don't quiet know how you can throw up when you don't eat but you can and its not fun believe me! Finally things began to turn around ever so slightly a bit at a time. On October 27 they allowed me to move into the apartment by the hospital. Without any IVs, controlled nausea, mouth sores were somewhat better, diarrhea at least I could get a little ways from the bathroom, still not eating but drinking hot tea and of all things Sprite (which I never liked before), no high blood sugar, no high blood pressure and no pain medicine. I was so ready to see the outside of a hospital and not have to be poked every two hours. I know Wes was ready to go because he had slept on a plastic couch every night since the beginning.

The apartment is wonderful. Quiet roomy and set up with everything you would need. Everyday seems to get better. Is thought the digestion problems and eating would never improve but it slowly has. I can eat a little now and some foods actually taste good. I don't have to use as much medicine for the gut as before and it will eventually get better I am sure.

I began by having to go into the clinic everyday for fluids and then just on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. The clinic is just about 5 minutes from the apartment and on nice days we walk and of course I ride my trusty scooter. Wes has been able to go back to Midland and work. He leaves on Monday evenings and returns on Friday mornings early so we have long weekends together, I do cherish those days. On the days he is in Midland I have had dear friends who have come and stayed with me. Thanks so much to Charlotte Guinn, Alta Lynn Gerlach, Joy Irving, and Janet Orr for coming and spoiling me. Like a long slumber party. They have nursed me through nausea, digestion problems, not eating, and weakness and never complained and took wonderful care of me. God has so blessed me with wonderful friends who have gone beyond what friendship is!

Speaking of going beyond the call of duty, my wonderful husband has been that and more. He has truly loved me through this! So many times he could have given up and has been so strong and never complained and has done what had to be done or needed to be done. I marvel at how he shows me everyday his love when I was so weak or so sick I didn't return that love like I wanted to. I so love him and am so proud of him. You never know what you sign up for when you marry and wonder how someone will react-he has been more than anything I could ever have wanted or expected. I do love him so! Thank you Lord for letting me share in this man's life, may I be more like him-help him to know how much I love him.

Last Friday evening I got a call from Dr. Barryman's nurse and they had found one of the tests they routinely do had come back positive. I had developed the CMV virus which everyone apparently carries dormant and never manifests itself. Those that have low blood counts can develop it, especially transplant people. I did and have to go into the clinic now daily for antivirus IV. I will find out tomorrow for how long. The bad thing is I can't be around pregnant people and both of our girls are pregnant. Weslee lives here and we see her quiet often with of course Shiloh as well. That was hard to take but as Wes says it is not forever and we don't want to put that new baby in jeopardy before birth. So we wait to ask questions tomorrow and remake plans for Thanksgiving. Hope to be able to go to my brothers and sister-in-laws in Tyler to be with family.

What a ride this has been. Not one I want to repeat but one I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have. Thank you again to my donor for the life he shared with me. The ride should get better each day from now on and of course that is what we pray for daily and for the future.

I close by sharing my devotional from Beth Moore out of 2 Sam 22:29-36. Perfect for this journey. "You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.
As for You, my God, Your way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. You are a shield for all who take refuge in You. For who is God besides You, Lord? And who is the Rock except my God?
It is You, God, who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. You make my feet like the feet of a deer; You enable me to stand on the heights. You train my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory; You stoop down to make me great."

I pray, Lord, that I can live up to what you tell me You will give me in your word. I pray that those who watch me walk through this fire will see You every step of the way and see you glorified in this journey. Amen

God is good----------------all the time!