I am still in the hospital waiting for my blood counts to come back. They have begun to climb slowly but surely. This hospital stay has seemed endless but I have felt good and had very few bad reactions from the antibiotics as before.
I still have infections and am on the antibiotics but they are getting better. They put me on a very strong antibiotic because Dr. Carr thought one of the infections was MRSA a serious staff infection but that turned out to be negative but I was grateful she had begun to treat it anyway to assure I would be covered for the infection. My Hickman seemed to be showing signs of infection but as of today had not grown any cultures so far. I am hopeful that will continue as I really don't want to have it taken out which would mean the meds would have to be given through IV. The Hickman would be put back before chemo would start again. Now I just wait and wait and wait for my body to do what it is suppose to do-fight!
The past few days have been spent fighting with the insurance company so that they would hurry and okay a donor search as well as the transplant. Since my last blog my brother was tested to see if he was a match and much to mine and his disappointment he was not. We were both sure that would work out but that was not in God's plan. The waiting game began with the insurance company, AGAIN, and we were finally approved to go into the donor pool as of yesterday. Before the approval we were on the telephone and email daily trying to get them to hurry, a word they have absolutely no concept of. As of yesterday in the morning I was approved and by 2:00 that afternoon a potential donor was located and further communication with the person was needed. It turned out it was a good match and we once AGAIN had to go back to the insurance company for approval, more conversations with the insurance company and we should receive approval within the next two days for the transplant. At least that was what they promised but I have no idea why we should believe that since their word is not believable. If it sounds like I am disgusted and frustrated I AM. I can't even express how difficult it has been working with that company-seems they feel my age, a ripe old 60 and all my other medical problems do not make me a good candidate for a successful transplant. Of course I let them know in no uncertain terms I was not old and had much more to live for and that decision was not theirs but belonged to my doctors who knew me because they did not! I am really not a person that is hard to get along with (strong willed yes but not mean)but I will say they brought out the demons in me. Thank the Lord I do not know where their offices are because I think I would have gone there to take matters in my own hands. I know why people hate them and do bad things to them. This company is definitely "of the devil".
Since I have ranted on for a while I will stop and praise God for the blessings He has sent us in the past few days. I am overwhelmed with the idea that someone in this big old world is enough like me that I can use their stem cells to grow healthy ones for my own body. If that is not a miracle, I don't know what is! God has certainly gone before us and made a path that is amazing!
Today's devotional in Beth Moore was awesome and just what I needed (why am I surprised) I would love to share it with you.
She begins with the "our Bridegroom sometimes leads us to difficult places, but we can trust Him to have purpose in our stay and never forsakes us."
Ps 107:13 tells us I cry to You, Lord, in my trouble. Save me from my distress. Ps 57:2-3 says I cry out to You, God Most High, to You who fulfills Your purpose for me. You send from heaven and save me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me. You send Your love and Your faithfulness.
What a blessing to know that He does pursue us even when we feel we are so deep in we feel He can't even find us. Some days I do feel so distressed I can't be found but I do know He knows where I am and not only that He sits right beside me and never leaves that spot.
You tell me Lord. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Your power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9 (my life verse-may I live it)
You will never leave me, Lord. Never will You forsake me (Heb 13:5) You are the only absolute guarantee I have in all of this journey I find myself in-please help me to hold on to you with every ounce of energy I have.
I realize the next few weeks and months will be the hardest I have ever and will ever face in this lifetime. I must admit I am anxious or no really down right scarred to face them. But I know that I am not alone-God still carries me and holds me tighter than ever. I also know that He has blessed me with a family that is unbelievably strong and determined that I feel loved and supported. How incredibly blessed I am! Thank you Lord.
God is good------------all the time!
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