Chemo went well last week, six treatments in the hospital and I tolerated it very well and was feeling pretty good so Dr. Carr sent me home on Tuesday late in the evening after chemo, platelets, blood transfusion and a bunch of waiting around. All went well, dr. office, lunch, home and then at about 3:30 the world began to crumble. I became severely nauseated, chills, dizzy and even passed out. My girls were scared to death as was my baby Shiloh and called 911 but I came to but was soooooooo out of it and still nauseated. 911 was canceled and Wes was called along with Dr. Carr who said get to the hospital, now! Drama to the max but I was pretty unaware of the world just that I felt horrible. After a miserable trip to the hospital poor Wes finally got me in and we were all pretty scared and needed answers. Hooked me up to IV's and began blood tests to find infection. My fever was up and down all night, chills so bad five blankets couldn't stop the shaking, horrible nightmares, sweets, feelings of out of body and wishes that I was!
Probably that was the worst night and worst 24 hours as of yet! I guess best I can describe it was feeling sooooo bad you just wanted to not be able to remember anything or feel anything but knowing in your woozy heart you had no control over anything physical or mental. I could hear things but didn't want to be a part I just wanted to feel better. I sleep on and off for about 24 hours and believe it or not did not take a bath, take my brace off, put my makeup on or communicate except when made to for all that evening and the next day. Pit is not bad enough a word for that ride. I was by no means on my way to heaven and I know hell is much much worse than that but I was in a land I don't want to visit anytime again! i will say during that time there were periods of being able to talk to the Lord and beg for mercy and make it all to go away-if that meant heaven I was ready and I could feel Him say, "Not yet"! Then do something I would say. Finally about 9:00 that evening I began a slight rally and finally at about 2:30 AM I got up for the bathroom and felt like earth was real again for the first time in a while. The next morning I got up and showered my stinky body and put on my makeup and met a beautiful day of life with my beautiful relieved family!
To all of you who texted, phoned, and messaged that I scared you-----believe me we were all scared! I so appreciate your prayers and God did answer!
The test results results showed a blood infection, high fever, low blood pressure, and of course the nausea. I was put on an antibiotic, fluids and it is working. The blood counts are falling as they should because of the chemo but my body is responding to the antibiotic and I have non of the awful rashes, swelling or other horrible reactions as before so we are praising God for His help in this time of trouble!
The donor typing for the bone marrow transplant is in process and we are waiting to hear from the results of compatability of mine and my brothers and go from there. We need information quickly so we can move forward. That is a very urgent prayer request and we appreciate your joining with us. We are hopeful to have news soon!
During those dark hours God sustained me and I am again so grateful for the bright day on the other side. Those valleys are so dark but Oh how bright on the other side!
The day I finally felt really good God gave me this devotional in Beth Moore's Praying God's Word. Of course I must share. So powerful and for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lord, if the only home I hope for is the grave, if I spread out my bed in darkness...where then is my hope?(Job 17:13,15). Help me not to see the grave as my only hope. I am one of Your children, Lord! How foolish for the grave to be my hope,
for I will never live in a grave. I will be with You in glory.
For You who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made Your light shine in my heart to give me the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ (2 Cor 4:6). I am a chosen person, part of a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to You, God, that I may declare the praises of You who called me out of darkness into Your wonderful light (1 Pet 2:9)
My sweet God thank you so much for the light You have let me see and for the days I have to enjoy what You so graciously have given me. How bright that light has become. Let me shine bright for You!
God is good-------all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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