Approval given and now we wait for the call to go to Dallas for the transplant. This is really tough and of course my mind goes all over the place telling me that the leukemia is back and rampant within. Before I was diagnosed the first time I had noticed an itchy rash on my back and random bruises on my body and no explanation for them. I have noticed both of them coming back in the past few days and all those alarms went off especially since I know the outcome from before and that is scary. I have a call in to the transplant doctor in Dallas and have full confidence he will be able to calm my fears. Funny how Satan knows exactly what things will cause us to be fearful and uncomfortable with situations we find ourselves in. I always have told my kids when they were scared, "who is the author of fear?", don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing he planted that seed and watched it sprout---now I give myself the same question and lecture. Don't you hate it when our words of wisdom come back to haunt us!
I have learned that my donor is a male in his 20's and is in the United States. He is in process of getting tests so that he will be cleared for the stem cell draw for me to receive them. Before I can receive the stem cells I will have to have a series of strong chemo to kill off all of my bone marrow cells including the leukemia cells and then we will start from scratch with healthy ones which will hopefully grow in my bone marrow and take over with very healthy ones. It will be a long and involved process of tearing me down and then recovery. My prayer is for strength to be able to deal with whatever is necessary to continue on and be well again. Once again God has carried me this far why would He leave me now.
The unknown is always the hard part and that is where I am now. I have had chemo like this before but the doctors have told me this will be much stronger and side effects harder. Just want to get started and get this all behind me!
I never ceased to be amazed at how daily God sends me to scripture that is comforting. Just as He calmed David as He ran from Saul He uses those same words to calm me as I run from the ravages of leukemia. The Psalms are always a great place to get lost and find my God. In Psalms 36:7-9 we read "O Lord, how priceless is Your unfailing love. Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of Your house. You give them drink from Your river of delights. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."
Again, David asks of the Lord in Psalms 27:4-5 "One thing I ask of You, Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon Your beauty and to seek You in Your temple. For in the day of trouble You will keep me safe in Your dwelling You will hide me in the shelter of Your tabernacle and see me high upon a rock."
God's tabernacle is available to us everyday of our lives and all we have to do is seek that hiding place. There are so many comfortable places in that dwelling and my prayer is to be able to hide in them during the months to come as I undergo the transplant and recovery. I want to be able to go to places other than the transplant where I can see the beauty of my Savior as He holds me tight and carries me through recovery. I know I can trust that rock for safety, comfort and a refuge from the time of troubles that will come. I'm glad I have been in those places before, even if they will be worse this time. He delivered me before and I am confident He will deliver me
once again. As I await transplant I ask for renewed strength, patience, and peace so I will be prepared for whatever lies ahead.
I close by saying to you, please join with me in prayer for my family and me as we continue this journey hand in hand with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ---may He be glorified.
God is good-----------all the time!
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